Zucker Delivers Death Blow to NBC

Monday, NBC idiot-in-chief, the honorable Jeff Zucker wondered aloud to the press about the continued viability of NBC if it must program 22 hours each and every week.

He floated the idea of dropping one night of programming, or rolling back prime time by one hour. His reason? "Three of our competitors do it." That's right folks, the network that once laughed at FOX as the network you needed aluminum foil on your antenna to pick up, now considers MyNetwork and The CW as legitimate threats to the Peacock.

Ridiculous.

If tonight's internet and industry rumors can be trusted, Jeff's solution seems to be to move Jay Leno into the 10/9 Central time slot - FIVE NIGHTS PER WEEK.

Brilliant.

Conan is getting THE TONIGHT SHOW soon, and Zucker has been struck with the brilliant idea of repurposing Jay himself.

Granted, this move will mean five hours less development that NBC has to fund.

However, it will also cede NBC's strongest hour of the night to the competition. Jeff, you can't honestly tell me you expect HERE'S JAY! (or whatever the hell you're going to call it) to bring in the same audience that the LAW & ORDER franshise does.

My guess is - up to two-thirds of the NBC procedural drama crowd will relocate to ABC and CBS. There will also be another substantial portion of the NBC audience that will find the early news on the local FOX station more palatable.

No matter what, fewer people will watch NBC.

Folks, we're talking about a time slot in which ER used to get a 40 share with new episodes. But instead of fighting for important time slots with original, creative product, Zucker has constantly programmed with an eye toward repurposing on cable first.

Next week, this poor excuse for a programming schedule will feature a dance competition better suited for summer and a relationship 'reality' piece of crap that belongs on MTV.

This is simply preposterous ignorance on display for the world to see - in Hi-Def.

How can GE shareholders continue to allow this man to destroy one of broadcasting's gems? Please, can't someone swoop in and purchase this once mighty network and save it from this pathetic excuse for a TV executive?

In the world of bad ideas, Zucker is king.

Fire Zucker, save the network.

Strike Claims Pushing Daisies

Word on the internets is that the PUSHING DAISIES Pie Hole set is being torn down.

Further evidence that quirky and creative just doesn't work on network TV, the impending loss of one of broadcast TV's most innovatively designed and written programs has roots beyond the lowest common denominator.

Like several new show from the 2007-08 season, DAISIES has struggled in its second season, and I blame the writers' strike - or nore specifically, the networks' collective response to the writers' strike.

The 2008-09 season saw the nets being patient with shows that showed promise but had their seasons cut short by the strike. Not one of those programs have delivered the same audience as in their debut season. Not one.

First, in some cases, the class of '07 was rushed into production. The race was on to produce as many episodes as possible before the strike struck. Several of those shows probably shouldn't have been produced in the first place. Those were the ones that didn't get invited back for the 08-09 season.

In some cases, these shows had great original concepts, but as production rushed through the latter episodes of a shortened season, there was less time to tweak, correct and do much in terms of true creation beyond first drafts. Perhaps these shows ever so slightly came off their prospective rails.

Then came the summer of '08. None of the networks felt it worth investing in reruns of thses rookie shows in preparation for the fall launch. They arrogantly assumed that we'd be eager to plan our week around the return of a program in which we'd only invested 13 hours.

It's one thing to assume viewers will return for '24' - and I think they will, even given it's year long absence. It's another assumption completely to expect viewers to return for CHUCK or DAISIES or even SARAH CONNOR given that the show were on hiatus longer than they were originally on the air.

Lastly, in DAISIES' case, the program has not lived up to its early promise.

What I found to extra special about the pie-maker and his universe is that it is unique. It can't be identified with a specific decade or location - unless the writers get sloppy - and lately they have. There was a whimsy about the first 13 episode of DAISIES that has slowly fallen by the wayside. It was charming, clever and matched the impeccable art direction of the series.

There are little things going wrong of late - small but important details that cemented the pie-maker in his unique universe. Lately, the word 'ass' has crept into several of the characters' vocabulary. There have been uniquely modern colloquialisms as well. Again, it's the small stuff that separated this show from everything else, and the small stuff is starting to be ignored.

I almost expect one of the characters to break out a cell phone next week. It's just wrong. It doesn't taste like the pie we've been getting.

When an eaterie like the Pie Hole changes its recipes this much, one has to wonder if its under new management, the head chef left, or if the owner really cared to begin with.

Rosie Kicks Off Holidays with a Turkey

NBC and Rosie O'Donell took a shot at bringing back the variety show last night, and let's just say we're glad there won't be any leftovers from this turkey.

The critics have not been kind - which is fitting. Rosie hasn't been Ms. Warmth over the last few years herself.

Check out the reviews.

TV Guide: Dead on Arrival

New York Times: Hokey Comedy with an Enemy List

L.A. Times: What Was She Thinking?

The Hollywood Reporter: Rosie Disappoints

Maybe now Rosie can go away for a decade or so.

Please?

Emmy & the New Season

OK.

It's been a while. A long while since I have posted. For that, I apologize.

It's not that I haven't been consuming pop culture, goodness knows it isn't that. It's just that time has been so difficult to come by over the last few months.

Things are settling down, the new TV season is upon us - and there's snarkiness to be shared!

Where to start?

How about the Emmys? There's something there that sums up the last season for me completely.

Five hosts, from five 'reality' shows found it extremely difficult to fill the opening five minutes of the presentation. You see, they were winging it. Nothing was written down for them. And it stunk to high heaven.

Apparently writers ARE important - even to 'reality' shows. Perhaps, expecially to 'reality' shows. Without someone driving the storyline in a particular direction, guess what - TV becomes way too real (read 'boring').

Kudos to Tom Bergeron and Ryan Seacrest for barely participating in the 'winging' - they looked embarrassed to be on the stage, and seemed to sense the true nature of the train wreck that was about to unfold before their eyes.

Meanwhile, the ratings for the snoozefest were down to record lows. Could it be that viewers didn't give much of a rip since the last episode of most of their favorite broadcast shows were aired in January?

And what to make of the dominance of cable? JOHN ADAMS, MAD MEN and BREAKING BAD scored major wins following a season of malaise.

NBC and FOX have both debuted clunker shows that shouldn't have seen the light of day outside of the summer season. All the nets have shows on their schedules that were purchased without a true pilot.

The after shocks of the writers' strike have not ended. This season doesn't look like it's going to have any breakout, water-cooler type pop culture icons. Where is this year's HEROES, 24, or AMERICAN IDOL?

I'll tell you - it didn't get made. I mean, where would we put it? That slot is taken by KNIGHT RIDER, HOLE IN THE WALL or DO NOT DISTURB.

It's gonna be a long season.

A Tale of Two Movies

DARK KNIGHT is being hailed as the best superhero movie in existence.

It's not.

THE X-FILES: I WANT TO BELIEVE is being trashed as too little, too late.

It might be.

SPOILERS LURK BELOW - go away if you don't wanna know!

I've held off for a couple of weeks on writing about DARK KNIGHT. I've seen it twice - not because it's a masterpiece, but more to confirm my initial reaction. The film's just too darn long.

Heath Ledger gives a masterful performance. The dedication to him in the end credits made me tear up - twice. But the Joker is not the problem here - it's Harvey Dent.

The Joker's actions create Dent's villainous alter ego, Two Face. And this interpretation of the classic Batman baddie is miles better than Tommy Lee Jones' take.

The problem is, there's just too much of Dent, post-creation. Prior to his turning, the character of Harvey Dent still carries a great deal of the weight of this film - and it's wonderful. The idea that the Batman may finally have found a true hero for Gotham is exceptional. That Batman is eager to retire and turn his beloved city over to a civil servant willing to take on the bad guys is quite a departure from recent Bat-history.

But...

Once the Joker creates Two-Face, the film loses focus - and gains about a half hour of story that could have made for another exceptional film, had it not been so rushed. I would have much preferred saving Two-Face for a big reveal just before the end credits, rather than having the character intrude on the relationship between Joker and Batman.

As for Scully and Mulder... it struck me during my screening that this film felt like just another episode of the series. Not so great a notion for a movie - but I think it really says something about the incredible quality of the original source material.

Every episode of THE X-FILES was shot like a mini-movie. The series had a cinematic look that set it apart from other TV shows of the 1990's. We saw five solid years (and two lesser years) worth of creepy atmosphere,, monster-like humans and human-like monsters.

To take the series to the big screen requires a bigger scale, a bigger story and bigger danger. I WANT TO BELIEVE doesn't have any of that - and that's what's gone wrong.

What it does have is a lot of what made the series solid. Questions, not so many answers and personal quests.

It was great to drop in on the characters again, but moviegoers deserve a bit more.

The box office results have not been kind and that may mean be the end of Scully and Mulder, but that's probably how it should be.

The duo was very much a creation of the '90s - and their visit to the post-9/11 edition of the FBI underscores the passage of time with a pause in front of President Bush's photo. Our heroes are very much from a different time - a time when the worst monsters we could come up with weren't fanatical humans.

Today's world requires a different hero.

A silent guardian.

A watchful protector.

A dark knight.

Craig's Makeover, Part 2

Craig Ferguson is adjusting nicely to the new format of his program.

At first he experimented with a new feature titles "What Will We Learn on the Show Tonight, Craig?" - a takeoff on his nightly wrap-up "What Did We Learn on the Show Tonight, Craig?"

What Will We Learn looked very much like it was taped after the guests had left the show - and it ruined the surprise of some of the wild tangents Ferguson's stream-of-consciousness monologues are prone to follow.

He's since fixed the issue.

This week the show had what amounts to a cold open, in which Ferguson drops a couple of old standbys from his monologue - like celebrity birthdays and a nibble from the headlines. He cracks himself up a few times, then tells us who his guests are going to be - after the break.

I love David Letterman, but I can't wait for Craig to get a shot at Dave's timeslot. He is simply brilliant.

Craig Gets a Makeover

So they've tweaked TEH LATE LATE SHOW WITH CRAIG FERGUSON. Again.

Monday, following a week long run of encores telecasts, the program opened with something new - a full screen graphic featuring an owl and a "What Will We Learn on the Show Tonight, Craig?" jingle.

Ferguson then did two minutes whilst hiding his upper lip and the piddly excuse for a mustache he had grown over the weekend. Don't get me wrong - it was hilarious.

What I found not so funny was this - CBS has tweaked Ferguson's show format again.

After his two minute teaser, we were treated to a sponsor billboard and three minutes of commercials - followed by the official open of the program.

Just a bit screwy, if you ask me. I couldn't tell if the rest of the show had fewer breaks, longer segments or what - but it contained about 45 minutes of the wackiest comedy about mustaches I had ever personally witnessed.

The commercial break included some local spots, so it looks like it might be an attempt to move those spots into a more favorable, higher viewed part of the show - but it really gets in the way of the flow of the show.

Do not like.

As for Ferguson himself, things got even sillier Tuesday. His mustache (Rudy) pretty much took over the show, and yet Ferguson seemed to grow bored with the concept as the show continued on.

By Wednesday, Craig had shaved and the silliness was about other stuff - but just as silly.

If you've never stayed up late for Craig, program your electronic TV show recording devices and give it a shot. It doesn't matter what time of day or night you watch - it's laugh out loud silly stuff.

Did I mention it's silly?

Silly enough to make me look forward to the day when Letterman retires and Ferguson gets to step up to the 10:35 slot.

Upfront and Personal

So the networks are wrapping up their upfront sessions in which they sell a large chunk of their advertising time to gi-normous ad agencies.

The income for the five big nets (yes, The CW apparently still qualifies) totals some $9.23 billion. That's right billion - with a B.

That number got me to thinking.

In the coming age, where DVRs skip over commercials and more and more of the network programming is becoming available online (bypassing the local stations), one wonders how much longer the networks are going to be able to continue to demand that much money for an ever dwindling audience.

Case in point: In the most recent TV season (yes, there was a strike - but still!) all of EIGHT scripted shows increased their audience vs. 2007:
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (+3%);
THE UNIT (+1%);
LAW & ORDER (+19%);
THE NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE (+1%);
MEDIUM (+21%);
BONES (+2%);
KING OF THE HILL (+20%)
30 ROCK (+12%)

Note that two of those shows are old-timers that were helped in the doldrums of the strike by a combination of reduced competition and better time slots. The results for MEDIUM are probably the most promising on the list.

So shy do the advertisers keep paying increasing rates for this slipping medium? Because it's the best there is, that's why.

It was announced today that the average household in the USA gets over 100 channels on their TV. You can advertise online to your heart's content, but there's no way you're ever going to get as broad and instantaneous a reach online - even if there are billions of web pages out there.

And for those of you who are complaining about all those commercials... the money ponied up by those sponsors is the equivalent of a $6.99 monthly subscription from each and every of the 100,000,000 TV households in the nation. (HBO has 40 million subscribers)

Good luck getting me to pay for any package that includes CBS.

Idol Down, But Fox Still Wins

Much was made in the industry trades this spring that AMERICAN IDOL's ratings were down this season. While the finale's numbers were on par with last year, the ratings for the run up to the final showdown were, indeed down.

But somehow all the gleeful naysayers managed to miss something rather important in TV land.

FOX as a whole was UP for the season - and not just because it aired the Super Bowl. Scripted fare like BONES and HOUSE mixed with smartly programmed stuff like MOMENT OF TRUTH and ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5TH GRADER more than made up for IDOL's slippage.

For the first time EVER, FOX finished a season #1 in total viewers. Now, there were plenty of factors in the victory, not the least being the writers' strike. But - FOX had to deal with it just like every other network. And they did a better job by going to their bench and developing imaginative game shows.

While CBS relied heavily on reruns of their scripted dramas, FOX threw in new shows like NEW AMSTERDAM and THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES.

And they won - without airing a single episode of 24.

Congrats to everyone at FOX. It took 20 years, but the revolution has finally arrived.

The tough news for the other nets for 2008-2009? Jack Bauer returns in November with a 2 hour TV movie, followed by 24 all-new hours starting January.

And word is, he's pissed.

Indy Needs Religion

Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful to see Indiana Jones out and about after such a long absence from the big screen.

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL is steeped in nostalgia with tips of the fedora to your favorite Indy chase sequences, old girlfriends and ancient treasures.

But someone important was missing from the film. It wasn't Henry Jones, Sr., Marcus or Sallah.

It was God.

Indy is at his absolute best when his science comes into conflict with long held dogma. That's part of the mystery and wonderment that makes RAIDERS and THE LAST CRUSADE so special. This knowledgeable professor goes out on an impossible hunt for a treasure that can't possibly exist, only to have his lack of faith in mankind shattered by solid evidence that the ancient mysteries of Christianity are much more than mere legends.

In TEMPLE OF DOOM, that element was missing, and as a result, Indy's spiritual growth was stunted.

The same thing happens in CRYSTAL SKULL. And while it's not the only problem the film has, it's big enough. The lack of a true quest for Indy is a bigger issue. It's hard to understand just what is driving Dr. Jones in this quest. Instead, he seems to just wander from action piece to action piece.

I know the Powers That Be (Spielberg, Lucas, Ford) wanted Indy to enter the Atomic Age in this film (and his entry into it was nothing short of a. . . blast) but for me the final act was way too X-FILES meets CLOSE ENCOUNTERS for what I expect from Indiana Jones.

Again, don't get me wrong - I had a great time, but left the theater ever so vaguely unsatisfied.

I hope, if they should gather the team again for a fourth Indy entry (INDIANA JONES JOINS AARP?) they'll manage to find something more mystical to hunt for - maybe a Fountain of Youth, or Noah's Ark.

Indy needs something to remind him that there's life after the franchise.

The WB Returns!

With the CW flailing in the ratings race (some nights it doesn't even manage a 1 rating) something interesting is about to happen online.

Get ready for the return of The WB.

Warner Bros. announced today that they're putting together a nostalgic website (tentatively wb.com) that will feature advertiser supported episodes of Warner Bros. produced series that ran on the little network we miss so much.

Let's face it, The CW knows young and stylin' about as well as CBS does. Could that be because CBS owns 50% - yeah, probably so.

There's no word yet whether old WB shows that were produced by outside studios (BUFFY or ANGEL were produced by 20th Television) will be included, but there is an expectation that new micro-series will be available, featuring 5 minute long episodes of programs that would have been at home on the old WB.

Here's to hoping Michigan J. Frog will be back at work soon.

Will it work? Who knows? But, God bless 'em for trying. The WB's presence is sorely lacking on TV today. A rebirth online would be kinda cool.

That website again: dubba-dubba-dubba-wb.com.

Dig it.

Zucker Keeps Digging NBC's Grave

Jeff Zucker has lost his mind.

Several publications are reporting that NBC has reached a production agreement with DirecTV that will enable FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS to remain on the air for another season. DirecTV will premiere the new episodes before NBC.

This is one giant step way beyond sharing a telecast window with a co-owned cable entity like USA. NBC is farming out a marginal show that will most likely never be a ratings giant to a satellite television distributor.

I don't get it. NBC/Universal doesn't have enough venues to share the telecast window within their own enormous vertically integrated mega-corporation? NBC, CNBC, MSNBC, USA, A&E, Sci-Fi, Bravo, Sleuth, or Chiller not good enough?

What's the point of being so vertically intertwined if you can't even manage to produce a marginal show like FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS?

Do you get it? NBC will now be aring re-runs of programming produced for a satellite distributor. That's nuts!

What's next? Why not give away preview episodes THE BIGGEST LOSER on DVD with a Happy Meal at McDonald's?

Fire Zucker. Save the network.

Evil Dead: The Musical

There are plenty of days I'm glad I don't live in New York City.

Today is not one of them.

I wish I could have seen this one, no matter how far off Broadway it might have been.

I give you EVIL DEAD: THE MUSICAL.

Groovy.

President's Day Movie-thon 2008

Over the past few years, I have developed a personal tradition of attending as many Oscar nominated films as opssible on President's Day.

It all started under a previous employer who insisted we all take the day off - even though it was in the middle of sweeps.

By far the most interesting edition was the year I saw SIDEWAYS, MILLION DOLLAR BABY and THE AVIATOR in succession and learned that broken noses appeared prominently in all three films.

But I digress.

This year's marathon consisted of THERE WILL BE BLOOD, ENCHANTED and CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD was underwhelming for me. Didn't care for it - and I usually like Important Films. More on Daniel Day Lewis' performance at the end...

ENCHANTED was sweet. It was surprising to see Disney poking fun at itself. Nicely done, but I don't see the nomination for Amy Adams. It wasn't a very complicated role. Loved her, but wouldn't have nominated her for it.

CHARLIE WILSON'S WAR was fun. Anyone who was born after 1980 should probably see this film - just to get a taste of the Cold War. I liked it a lot - even though it was written by Aaron Sorkin. the 'true events' nature of the story prevented Sorkin from preaching too hard, allowing his crisp dialog to shine.

Tom Hanks was great as usual, but the actor of the day for me was Phillip Seymour Hoffman. His CIA operative was a dead pan marvel. Loved it.

Meanwhile, was it just me, or was Daniel Day Lewis channeling SMALLVILLE's Lionel Luthor in THERE WILL BE BLOOD? I'd bet a meteor rock enhanced milkshake on it.

Strike Over, Blu-Ray Wins

Not sure if the announcements are related, but both are certainly welcome.

First, if you've been living under a TV rock... the Writers' Guild of America has settled their strike, scoring a share of income from new media sales. Production companies all over L.A. are now falling all over themselves, ramping production up for the April returns of SOME of your favorites. some of your favorites (well, MY favorites) won't be back until next season.

And Jack Bauer will be sitting things out until January '09. Boo,

The worst of it is that now that all of this production frenzy is underway, unagented writers (like myself) can forget about getting anyone's attention for about nine months. Such is life.

The other development in the world of home theatre is the death of HD-DVD. Seems along aboutTuesday, Netflix announced they would no longer be carrying HD-DVD copies of any future releases. It got worse. Wednesday, Wal-Mart made the same announcement.

Toshiba, the creator of HD-DVD, promptly folded the format into a tidy little ball and tossed it into the dumpster next to Sony's BetaMax.

Sony wins the format war this time. Blu-Ray DVD promises oh-so much. And with prices for the Blu-Ray players orbiting at about $600, that $399 Playstation 3 (which doubles as a Blu-Ray DVD player) is looking more and more attractive.

And who doesn't want to play a little Madden '08 in HD?

Zucker Strikes Again

The New York Times is reporting that Jeff Zucker has decided that NBC will no longer be producing pilots for their new shows. It seems actually producing a sample episode of an unproven concept is simply too expensive for the vertically integrated company's 21st century business model.

“It’s clear we are in a recession in the United States, and we’re going to have to manage our business accordingly,” he said.

Oh NBC's in a recession alright - but it has nothing to do with the economy.

“Sometimes you see the world from a different perspective when you’re flat on your back,” he said. “At NBC Entertainment we’ve been flat on our backs for the last few years.”

Wonder who was in charge the whole time....

Of course, Jeff probably doesn't need to see samples of the shows he wants to add to the lineup - because the quality of the program isn't the most important thing to him.

Number one on his list? Is the show produced by NBC/Universal?

Vertical integration at its finest.

Fire Zucker. Save the network.

Spring Comes Early for FOX

The numbers say it's spring, but there's eight inches of snow in my front yard....

Last year it didn't happen until mid-March.

We all knew it was going to happen again this year, but I doubt anyone thought it would happen before Super Bowl Sunday.

On the strength of a better than normal fall performance, decent but not Earth-shattering numbers for the BCS, an explosive debut for TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES, the return of AMERICAN IDOL and stellar numbers for the NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME (dude - a 40 share in A18-49!) which drew almost 50 MILLION viewers, FOX has taken over the #1 slot in A18-49.

With 36 hours of IDOL still to come, the debut of a scandalous game show, THE MOMENT OF TRUTH coming tomorrow, oh - and that SUPER BOWL thing next Sunday, the other nets can only wave in FOX's rear view mirror.

See ya!

Hasta la Vista, NBC

It's that time of year again.

The mid-season blues are hitting most of the broadcast networks - magnified by the continuing writers' strike - and the FOX freight train is a comin'.

Last week, NBC struck gold with the debut of AMERICAN GLADIATORS. This retread of a crappy syndicated pile of poo from the '80s actually managed to score the largest audience of any new series of the season.

Until Sunday.

The debut of TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES cranked out the best FOX series premiere numbers since the debut of MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE in 2000.

It's the biggest new show debut on network TV of the season. And thank God - it's scripted.

It's only going to get worse for the competition.

IDOL returns tomorrow.

Say goodnight, Mr. Zucker.

Change in the Weather

The holidays are over and now the post-holiday blues are ready to set in - and this year (thanks to the writer's strike) there's not going to be much new TV to help pull one out of the funk.

But, we shall endeavor to persevere.

I've had several opinions over the last month, but not nearly enough time to post.

The most troubling development in TV (beyond the strike, which MAY just cripple broadcast TV for a long time) is Thursday's announcement that the Weather Channel is for sale.

The Weather Channel (TWC) and weather.com, up until now, have been fiercely independent. TWC isn't part of any massive vertically integrated congolmerate.

Yet.

The company most interested in TWC? Why, it's NBC/Universal.

Yep. The man who has ruined so much of so many cable and broadcast entities, Jeff Zucker, may be getting his hands on a channel that is uniquely positioned in the cable world.

In a time when Sci-Fi shows wrestling, and History explores UFOs ad nauseum, TWC has managed to pretty much cover THE WEATHER 24/7.

Two things could happen if NBCU gets TWC.

First, we could see program changes. Perhaps some weather related disaster films produced in Canada, TWC meteorologists doing forecasts for NFL Sunday night games, maybe a variety show featuring The Weather Girls or guest celebrity forecasts featuring the briefcase girls from DEAL OR NO DEAL.

Second, the hideous force-fed Green Week on NBCU channels will be aggressively expanded. You see, the company that controls NBCU is General Electric. It is GE's stated goal to promote the concept of global warming in order to promote compact fluorescent bulbs, along with other 'green' technologies that would not be adopted without mountains of propaganda.

Imagine the outcry if Exxon controlled NewsCorp.

Meanwhile, the FCC is going ahead with its plan to change the rules about cross ownership of TV stations and newspapers.

Soon we will be exposed only to the messages that GE, Disney, Coke, McDonald's and Rupert Murdoch want us to see.

None of this is good news.

Stay tuned.