The Descent: The Big Squeeze

THE DESCENT is being billed as the scariest movie since ALIEN.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I didn't find ALIEN particularly scary. Tense at times, perhaps, but scary? Not really.

THE BLAIR WITCH? Had me unnerved the entire ride. THE DESCENT let me off the hook early on.

Oh, don't get me wrong - there are enough 'jump' scenes in this movie to make parts of it fun, but ultimately, there's not a lot of 'there' there. Not much in terms of a moral lesson, character development, growth, or any of that rot - especially in comparison to the extended UK ending on YouTube. (Bookmark that link for AFTER you've seen the movie!)

After taking a peek at the way the film makers wanted THE DESCENT to end, you've got to wonder what in the world the American studio suits were thinking. Americans can't handle ambiguity? Do they honestly think their version is less ambiguous? More so, I say.

Kudos, though, for the sheer sense of claustrophobia the director managed to literally SQUEEZE into an early spelunking sequence. I haven't felt that unsettled in a movie theatre since Uma Thurman was buried alive in KILL BILL.

I am by no means claustrophobic - but this sequence had me wanting to go for a walk around the cinema lobby. At that point, I was actually wondering if I was going to be able to make it through the entire film. Unfortunately, there's not a lot that follows that's anywhere nearly as creative, compelling or original.

Ultimately, I suppose I have to give THE DESCENT a half-hearted recommendation. Six girls go in, one girl comes out. Did you expect it to work ANY other way?

Two and a half hands up.