Evan Almighty Spolied For All

I don't get it.

I just don't get it.

Have you seen the latest spots for EVAN ALMIGHTY? The latest can be seen at the film's official site.

The early marketing for what may be a cute, clever followup to BRUCE ALMIGHTY featured STEVE CARRELL (voice of Hammy in OVER THE HEDGE and star of THE FORTY YEAR OLD VIRGIN) as a reluctant modern day Noah. In these spots, his character was obviously struggling with the validity of his mission, changes in his appearance, and the arrival of lots and lots of pairs of animals who were eager to help build his ark.

These spots highlighted Evan's reluctance to accept his mission, his wife's embarrassment at the situation and the animals. Cute, funny stuff punctuated with Evan's line: "Is it too much to ask for a LITTLE PRECIPITATION?"

We're left to wonder whether or not the rain will ever come, whether Evan's faith will be rewarded.

Well, worry no more.

New spots for the film have started to air that features shots of the ark white water rafting through city streets, sloshing in between skyscrapers while the generic cityscape is drowned in untold depths of water.

I no longer need to see this film. I know how it ends.

It floods.

I swear to all things promotional - I would wager my house that some airhead in a focus group expressed dimwitted concern about Evan's quandary. And I would wager YOUR house that some dimwitted suit at - wait for it - NBC/UNIVERSAL figured they'd better allay those fears by giving away the ending while highlighting those expensive special effects they paid for and were hiding from the public.

When I started writing this I had no idea what studio was distributing this film. And now that I do... I get it.

Why do SO many things that suck come from the desk of Mr. Zucker?

Would it be too much to ask for a LITTLE INTELLIGENCE????

Fire Zucker, save the studio.

Tony v. Tonys - Tony Wins

The results are in in the Tony vs. Tonys showdown.

Broadway's best averaged a tepid 6.2 million viewers from the 110 million households that receive CBS.

THE SOPRANOS drew 11.9 million viewers from among the 30 million households in the HBO universe.

If one were to extrapolate the HBO universe out to national levels, THE SOPRANOS audience would have been equivalent to about 43.6 million viewers.

It wasn't even close.

Even at 11.9 million, THE SOPRANOS scored higher ratings than every other show on American TV this week except for AMERICA'S GOT TALENT.

Oh, and do you hear anyone talking about the way the Tonys ended? David Hyde-Pierce could have paraded on stage naked and no one would be talking about anything other than "Cut to black, roll credits."

America Doesn't Get It

SPOILER WARNING: IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FINALE FOR THE SOPRANOS - STOP READING NOW.

COME BACK AFTERWARDS, AND WE'LL TALK.






I MEAN IT.



The headline I wanted to use:

America Doesn't Get It - Tony Does.

Americans get the TV they deserve. It's the beauty of the system. TV shows that draw big audiences stick around. Shows that don't, go away. Unfortunately, that allows the lowest common denominator to have a pretty big say in what we have beamed into our homes.

It's the reason CBS programs the way they do. Throughout the TV era simple shows like MURDER, SHE WROTE, THE BRADY BUNCH, JAG, THE GHOST WHISPERER and CSI have drawn large audiences who want simple distraction.

That's not necessarily a bad thing - but it's aggravating when quality shows that do challenge the audience, like PROFIT, FIREFLY, or (insert the name of your favorite short-lived show here) get scrapped only to be replaced by yet another clone of THE BACHELOR.

Tonight, we may be seeing a huge steaming pile of why American TV is as bland as it is.

The finale of THE SOPRANOS has generated an enormous amount of web traffic this evening. HBO's servers are melting due to the number of complaint postings and emails about how tonight's episode simply cut off and went to black.

You see, Tony and his family (the biological family, not the other one) were meeting at a diner for a meal. It looked like Tony had come out on top in a war with a rival family, and things might be getting back to normal.

Tony was first to arrive - and every time the front door of the diner rang, we looked up from the menu with Tony to see who was coming in.

Carmella walked in, followed by a seedy looking character in a truckers cap who might be trouble. Tony chatted with his wife - and the bell sounded again.

A.J. followed by another seedy fellow into the diner. The other fellow sat at the bar, and A.J. joined the family.

Meadow had trouble parallel parking. While we nervously watched every person in the diner for signs of suspicion. The tension built. And built. And built.

The fellow at the bar, got up and went to the men's room. Meadow finally got the car parked, and crossed the street to join her family. The bell rang. Tony looked up - and dead silence over black.

And fanboys all across America screamed "WHAT?!!!!"

They're complaining about an ending they don't understand, about details left unfinished, storylines that didn't end.

What they're not getting - including this guy from the AP - or these guys either - is that Tony got whacked.

Tony said it himself in the first episode of the season. You never see the one that gets you.

Series creator (and this episode's write/director) had confidence in his audience's ability to fill in the blanks.

They didn't get it. And they're screaming bloody murder about it.

And that's why network TV sucks.

When Ferrets Attack

Sheer brilliance.

Tony v. Tonys

Way back in the day, when the world was still broadcast in living black and white, Broadway supplied television with some of the most popular programming available.

Huge numbers were racked up by live televised versions of things like Rogers & Hammerstein's Cinderella, or specials featuring the best of the Great White Way.

Tonight, CBS airs the 61st Annual Tony Awards. Last year, all of 7.8 million people tuned in. The big winner was "Jersey Boys."

Also tonight, the curtain falls on one TV's most impactful made-for-premium cable shows - THE SOPRANOS. 7.7 million tuned in for the season premiere last month.

It's Tony Soprano vs. the Tony Awards.

Which telecast will feature the most drama? Which will draw the larger audience? Which will we remember this time next year?

I think I know the answers. Jersey Boys all the way. As for that awards show?

Fuhgetaboutit.

9-0-2 Much Time on Their Hands 1-0

Some day I am going to come up with something incredibly creative that I will videotape and share with the world via the Internet.

Until then, you'll just have to make do with this:

90210 theme played on one guitar - by two guys at once