7 Minutes of Emptiness

At 6:53PM local time today, something happened that I haven't seen in years.

My TiVo was empty.

That's right. Empty. Caught up on THE O.C., HOUSE, HEROES - you name it. Nothing left to watch.

For seven whole minutes.

And then, at 7, the better half triggered some home fix it show on HGTV. At 8, we grabbed THE SOPRANOS on A&E.

And after seven minutes that must have seemed like an eternity to the magic little elves in the TiVo box, they weren't alone anymore.

Just goes to show how little has been on TV over the last 2 weeks.

Coming soon - 24, IDOL, LOST, BONES, HOUSE, HEROES, THE O.C., THE SIMPSONS, tons of stuff I won't have time to watch live.

Even the TiVo deserves a break for the holidays, right?

Now, back to work, you!

FOX Juggernauts Return

It's got to be tough to be a suit at NBC, ABC or CBS this time of year. They all have to know they have but one more week of normalcy to enjoy before their world turns upside down. Again.

(Cue the theme to JAWS)

Yep, it's January and that means it's time for "24" and "AMERICAN IDOL" to return.

The Jack Bauer Power Hour is back following what I felt was one of its most disjointed, yet accessible seasons. Day 5 saw the show tweak its formula a bit, killing off several key characters and devising more payoffs within the 24 episode storyline.

These changes allowed new viewers to better understand the goings on. Complicated backstories were dispatched along with their associated characters. The multiple resolutions within the overall arc also allowed new viewers better access. Ultimately, I believe it was this new-found accessibility that allowed Emmy voters to award the show with its Best Drama trophy.

Day 6 promises Jack's return from Chinese custody and an outbreak of domestic terrorism that has claimed over 1,000 lives. You can see an extended promo for Day 6 here.

And then there's that other beastie, lurking in the distance - "AMERICAN IDOL."

Last year, I had my doubts about the continued growth of the franchise, but was ultimately proven wrong. This year, I'm expecting even higher numbers due to ABC's moving "LOST" out of the way. ABC's sacrificing of "THE KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY" and "IN CASE OF EMERGENCY" stands as a spineless move by a network that has strayed from a very promising path.

Tons of promotional stuff, including downloads of previous contestants' new releases are available at americanidol.com.

How high is up for FOX? This may be the year we find out.

The Sun Sets on THE O.C.

When FOX moved THE O.C. to Thursday nights, it backed up its decision with a plethora of research that showed the program's audience was made up of THE trendsetters of the future - young teen and pre-teen girls who were already abandoning SURVIVOR in droves.

Well, so much for that strategy.

THE O.C. has been cancelled.

Those young trendsetters seem to be more interested in Dr. McDreamy or UGLY BETTY or something. After season 3's a year long Marissa Downer-Cooper angst-fest, THE O.C. has returned this year with guns blazing. It's brighter, happier and full of promise.

But, such is life on TV. Good shows come and go, the ebb and flow, their quality drops off and they fade away. Not this time. This time, the show has been reborn and it will be going out in style - strong, funny and yes, even innovative.

THE O.C. will return to the schedule January 4th with the first of 8 new episodes. Unfortunately, they'll also be the last of 8 new episodes.

Smoke 'em while you got 'em.

Rantings of a TV Junkie

In no organized fashion other than the order things pop into my head... my impressions of TV as we wrap up 2006....

1. THE O.C. is back! This show is en fuego! Killing off Marissa Cooper has given the show new life - and it's a happy life. Gone are the endlessly morose, angst-driven storylines about how unhappy Marissa was. It's all been replaced by the perky, funny, pop-cult aware, snarkiness that fans fell for in Season 1. It's not too late to rediscover the fun!

2. LOST is taking its fans on a remarkable journey. I'm not trying to figure it all out. I'm not in the camp that's insisting on answers. Place me solidly in the 'I can't wait to see what happens next" camp. This may be the best series on TV right now.

3. HOUSE endures. How in the world the writers manage to make the same story work week after week is a mystery to me, but they do. Love it!

4. HEROES, the origin! Without a doubt, my favorite new show of the year. I hope the writers are able to take their time and advance the story at their own pace. No need to rush through the prime rib to get to the dessert.

5. There's too much NFL on TV. Yep, I said it. The addition of Thursday and Saturday games is too much. It's diluting the special-ness of Sunday afternoon.

6. IDOL and 24 are a comin'! I just have to figure out how to clear my Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays to make room for them....

7. STANDOFF deserves to come back. A great little show starring one of my favorite actors. I just hope FOX gives it another shot.

8. DRIVE takes off in March. A new series from Tim Minear (FIREFLY), starring Nathon Fallion (also FIREFLY) about an illegal race across the country in which the participants don't know their opponents. Hope it's as fun as Minear's other work!

Questions for '07...

Will the FCC allow more concentration of TV ownership? If so, it's over folks. Allowing fewer and fewer companies to own more and more of the TV we see is far from a good thing.

How high is up for IDOL? With the competitive landscape changed (i.e. LOST moves out of the way) will IDOL reach even higher number in '07?

Where is the next great 3 camera sitcom? It's out there. The suits will find it, it's just a matter of time. Blind pigs come to mind.

Will My Network abandon the telenovela? I think so. The truth is, 20th TV was already shopping those 65 episodes mini-series in syndication before parent company FOX TV (the stations not the network) found themselves losing their UPN affiliation. It was the only thing they had on the shelf to distribute to their stations as an ad hoc net. Look for Ultimate Fighting to follow. Maybe even some sort of poker. But no matter what, it's going to make the syndicated product of the early '80s look good.

I'm sure there's more, but that's al my poor little brain can spit out this afternoon...

Happy New Year to all!

The King Lives!

In a move that is assured to score some of the best ratings in the show's eleven (yes, ELEVEN!) seasons, FOX has announced that KING OF THE HILL will be returning to the Sunday night schedule in the coveted post-SIMPSONS time slot starting in January.

I don't know why this excites me so, other than this has always been a quality show - and I've missed far too many episodes. With its new 830/730c slot, I'll be there week in and week out as Hank, Bobby and Peggy ride off into the sunset in their final season.

You should as well!

ABC clears path for IDOL

For three years in a row now, the TV pundits in pundit-land have doubted that AMERICAN IDOL will be able to return at levels equal to the previous season. Each year they have been proven wrong. Heck, even I had doubts last year.

But that was last year. All those TV pundits who are doubting the power of this year's edition of AMERICAN IDOL might want to pause and give that concept another think.

ABC has just cleared a path for Simon, Paula and Randy by moving LOST to 10/9c.

Although LOST put up decent numbers against IDOL last year, the powers that be at Disney would rather sacrifice new comedies KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY and IN CASE OF EMERGENCY to the IDOL juggernaut.

My prediction, IDOL surpasses last year's ungodly numbers with another season of 'how high is up?'

Meanwhile, KNIGHTS and EMERGENCY will be gone before February is finished. And the pitiful numbers they score while they are on the schedule might just cost ABC the 18-49 crown....

FOX wins for the 3rd year in a row.

Richards Payoff Dicey

Reports say that Michael Riochards is close to scheduling a meeting with the African-American men that were the target of his recent on stage breakdown/tirade.

Reports also say a cash settlement is likely.

I think this may be a dangerous precedent for performers.

If Richards has to pay these two guys because he offended them... when does Andrew Dice Clay cut a check for me?

One Less Turkey on the Table -- Thankfully!

In what must rank as one of FOX's better decisions so far this season, the O.J. Simpson special "If I Did It" has, after considerable public outcry, been consigned to the ash-heap where it belonged.

Rupert Murdoch, chair of FOX's parent entity News Corp., announced, "I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project." Awfully decent of you to say so, Rupe! The intended sweeps special had to qualify as one of the all-time worst concepts in programming for any network. It was not merely tasteless, it was repugnant.

Kudos to the many FOX affiliates who flatly refused to air the program. It's refreshing to know there are still folks who hold to standards beyond just the bottom line.

FOX Right Wing? It Ain't So

For two weeks in a row, FOX has aired an anti-military episode of THE SIMPSONS.

Last week, the producers of the show used Treehouse of Horror regulars Kang and Kodos to comment on the war in Iraq.

This week, the skewering was courtesy Keifer Sutherland's guest appearance.

Last week, SIMPSONS' message was particularly noticeable because the episode was followed by an episode of AMERICAN DAD that tweaked the Republican stand against gay marriage and a FAMILY GUY episode that saw Stewie and Brian enlist, only to become stationed in Iraq.

Last week's three episode mini-theme aired two days before a national election that lurched the nation to the left.

This week's tweaking of the military aired on Veteran's Day weekend.

The next time you think FOX's parent company, Newscorp, is conservative - think again.

When it comes to FOX, Rupert Murdoch is an equal opportunity offender.

FOX Premieres Tank

*Glossary note: 1 share point equals 1% of the viewers watching at any one time.

Imagine the chagrin in the Suits' offices Thursday when they saw the big fat 4 share THE RICH LIST posted Wednesday night. MEDIA LIFE MAGAZINE says it's the single worst debut of any new show this season. It may be the most popular game show in England, but in the U.S., it's a one hit wonder. THE RICH LIST has been de-listed. If you saw it, congrats - you've seen every episode ever aired in America.

On Thursday, the news at FOX got worse.

'TIL DEATH returned from the baseball break to a 4 share. HAPPY HOUR dropped off to a 3 share. The bleeding continued when THE O.C. returned to a paltry 3 share as well. THE O.C. has lost 50% of its audience base since last year's September debut. Ouch.

The solution to the bleeding? Run more O.C. apparently. THE RICH LIST has been replaced with a new episode of THE O.C. this week.

(If no one watched THE O.C. last week, what makes anyone think America will tune in for the second episode on a different night? How are the 97% of Americans who didn't watch it Thursday supposed to understand what's going on?)

HAPPY HOUR has also been canned - and replaced with encores of 'TIL DEATH. Presto! It's a 33% improvement for the time period!

What's gone wrong at FOX? The fixes aren't working, and it's a long haul until the return of AMERICAN IDOL and 24.

I had every expectation FOX was eventually going to win the season in their beloved 18-49 demographic. Now, I ain't so sure.

NBC Blinks, Caves to Self

Last week's announcement that NBC was foregoing scripted programs in the 8/7 c hour has already been kicked to the curb.

In a move that screams of kowtowing to critics, Jeff Zucker is re-racking Thursday nights into a rather pale imitation of Must See TV years of old.

Effective 11/30 your new Thursday night lineup will be:

700p Earl
730p The Office
800p Scrubs
830p 30 Rock
900p ER

At least until somebody complains....

Seems to me that Mr. Zucker's commitment to a sensible plan consists of licking his finger and holding into the air. If Jeffy knew what the hell he was doing, he'd LEAD and do what he thinks is best for NBC, regardless of critics' opinions.

Remember... fire Zucker, save the network.

NBC Gives Up

Allow me to introduce you to Jeff Zucker, CEO of NBC Universal. Jeff has a novel approach to finding success in the business world - surrender.

Zucker just announced NBCU's plans for 2007. Goal number one is to save $750 million.

To accomplish this, he's cutting over 700 jobs. He's also cutting programming costs by eliminating scripted programming from the first hour of prime time. That's right. No scripted sitcoms or dramas, just game shows and reality shows.

This from the network that once pish-poshed FOX's reliance in reality in the late '90s.

Any guesses as to which studio will be producing these non-scripted shows? Think Zucker is going to be paying Disney or Paramount to develop these cost cutting shows? No way. These shows will ALL be produced by NBCU for NBCU (and repurposed ON NBCU's multitude of channels) on the cheap, FOR the cheap.

For the cheap? Yep, that's exactly what I mean. Seems Zucker doesn't find the income levels of the folks who watch at 8/7 Central satisfactory. You see, the great unwashed common folk - the ones who don't buy Cadillacs - aren't worth spending money on.

It's only the elite that watch the next two hours of programming that Zucker finds worthy of producing quality product for. One wonders if Jeffy is expecting the great unwashed that watch NBC in 8/7 Central to go somewhere else at 9/8 Central. One also wonders how such crap is going to perform as a lead-in to his alleged 'quality' programming.

Folks, this is corporate verticality at its worst. Who cares if NBC is non-competitive at 8/7 Central, as long as NBCU can cover the cost by running DEAL OR NO DEAL on CNBC?

1984 is here. NBCU is going to win by not competing.

NBC's lone new hit show of the season is HEROES. The theme there is "Save the cheerleader, save the world."

I'd like to suggest a new slogan for NBC.

"Fire Zucker, save the network."

Bing. Bong. Bing.

Bart's Network Gets an 'F'

FOX airs fifteen hours of prime time programming each week.

Between now and November 2nd, nine of those hours will see new programs.

Monday, October 23rd JUSTICE moves to Monday nights, following PRISON BREAK. I'd be curious to hear the logic behind this move. Does JUSTICE really stand any better chance against HEROES than VANISHED?

Friday, October 27th, VANISHED leads off the night, followed by TRADING SPOUSES. What's the point? This past week, the series KILLED OFF ITS LEAD CHARACTER! Why anyone would follow the new version of this convoluted show to a new night after almost three weeks off is beyond me.

Tuesday, October 31st, in a stupefying move that was planned from the beginning, STANDOFF and HOUSE swap time slots, with STANDOFF now leading off the night. I didn't get this when it was announced in May. I still don't understand it. If STANDOFF wraps up its first season in time for AMERICAN IDOL's return to the schedule, wouldn't it make sense to keep the very strong HOUSE as a lead-in as long as possible? Does the network really believe STANDOFF will do better without the benefit of the HOUSE lead-in?

Wednesday, November 1st, BONES gets a new lead-out, THE RICH LIST. Billed as the biggest thing to come from England since WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE, reality says it's cheap fodder that is being sacrificed to LOST.

And then there's the Thursday night launch of THE OC. It's returning at its regular time slot, but it's still another show that has to be added into the promotional mix.

My biggest question is, what's the point? What's the point of launching your new fall lineup before the beginning of the official Nielsen season if you're going to re-rack everything after three weeks off for baseball?

If fans of STANDOFF have made room for the new show in their schedule at 9/8C, why move it at all - let alone after a three week hiatus? Fans of VANISHED who haven't completely rejected the show for disposing of the star, probably aren't going to go to any extra effort to find the show at the other end of the week. New viewers who bump into the show on Friday night aren't going to find an approachable show. It's extremely inaccessible to new viewers.

All the branding and promotional efforts of the fall launch have been pitched out the window. FOX is keeping all of six hours of prime time in place. SIX HOURS. That's a meager 40%. And that doesn't take into account the immenent cancellation of HAPPY HOUR.

40% is an F in anyone's notebook.

SNL is no Studio 60

Maybe I'm spoiled by the great writing behind the scenes at NBC's other late night show, STUDIO 60, or maybe SNL just isn't funny.

I'm betting on the latter.

The show is beautiful in Hi-Def, but it's just not funny.

After watching how the fictional STUDIO 60 crew busted their collective humps to come up with a brilliant cold open for their season opener, SNL's retread of yet another 'President Bush is dumb' sketch paled in comparison.

Dane Cook's monologue - not funny. How did this guy become so popular if this is his best stuff?

Many in the industry speculated that SNL would get increased sampling because of the presence of STUDIO 60. It probably did. I haven't seen any numbers, but it's why I checked in.

It's also why I checked out.

Maybe Aaron Sorkin should send over some of his show's rejected sketches.

Put a fork in SNL. It's done.

TV Shows Written by Baboons

There's a scenario I'd like to discuss with you today, class.

Our scenario begins with a room containing a set of stairs. At the top of the stairs is a banana.

We then add six baboons to the room.

If at any time any of the baboons goes up the stairs to get the banana, all six baboons are instantly pummelled by water from fire hoses.

Baboons are not stupid, well not completely. They will eventually learn to not go up the stairs. In fact, in short order all six will learn that going up the stairs is a very bad thing for everyone in the room.

Next, we replace one of the baboons with a new baboon. This newbie will instantly head to the stairs to get the banana. However, we won't have to turn on the fire hoses on this guy, because the entire troop of baboons will turn on him, pound on him and do whatever it takes to prevent him from going up the stairs.

Now we have five baboons who all experienced the fire hoses, and one who knows it's best for his survival that he stay away from the stairs.

Similarly, as we replace the original baboons, each newcomer will learn that stairs are bad. In fact, baboon #6 will be taking part in beating the newbies because, well because he can.

Once we have replaced all of the original baboons, we are left with a complete troop who have been trained by other baboons to not go up the stairs even if they don't know the real reason why.

So, what does this have to do with TV? Case in point: THE SIMPSONS.

THE SIMPSONS was brilliant in it's first five years. But over the course of time, the show began losing the core group of writers responsible for that brilliance. One by one, they were replaced by people who had seen the show, but not been part of its creation. The replacements thought they knew the show, but in truth, only knew it from the surface. Only the originators knew the characters beyond what was seen on the screen.

The result was a slow turn away from the show's original path, and ultimately a drop in quality. This was magnified when the second wave of creative folks gave way to a third wave, who knew the characters even less since they were trained by people who didn't know the characters as well as the originators.

Thus, by season 13, THE SIMPSONS was being written by baboons who had no idea why they weren't supposed to go up the stairs.

Fortunately for THE SIMPSONS, the show has started regrouping and calling some of the show's original writers back into the fold.

Unfortunately for shows like GILMORE GIRLS, there won't be fifteen years in which the cycle will be able to come full circle.

So, there it is. When I say that a show is written by baboons, I'm not calling the writers idiots. It's not their fault they're not as good as the first troop. They just don't know any better.

Uber-scribe Tim Minear Joins STANDOFF

Hollywoodreporter.com reports:

"..Fox confirmed that production on the series was suspended this week in order to let the writers "catch up," according to a network spokesman.

The production hiatus also will allow Tim Minear, who has come aboard STANDOFF as a consulting producer, to get up to speed. Minear has been tapped to help with day-to-day operations on the show that will continue to be run by Craig Silverstein."

Hmmm.....

Tim Minear's writing credits include LOIS AND CLARK (5 episodes), THE X-FILES (2 eps & executive story editor), ANGEL (18 episodes and served as a consulting producer), FIREFLY (4 of the show's 13 eps and executive producer) and WONDERFALLS (2 of the show's 13 eps).

He is nothing short of a brilliant wordsmith - unfortunately, he seems to have a history of showing up just in time for shows to get cancelled. Further, he worked with Silverstein on THE INSIDE which lasted all of 7 episodes last summer.

While THE INSIDE was crap, I'm hoping against hope that the fact that Minear and Silverstein have worked together before is good news. Reading between the lines, it sounds like Silverstein was maybe missing production deadlines - or was frighteningly close to doing so. Bringing in a vet like Minear - and an old partner - could help the production efforts, and hopefully we'll get to see a script or two from Tim as well.

I'm already enjoying STANDOFF. Unfortunately, last night it held only 55 percent of its HOUSE lead-in. That's not good. When the show returns after THE WORLD SERIES, it will lead off the night and go head to head with DANCING WITH CELEBRITIES. It's not going to get any easier for this one.

Minear has a delicious dark streak in his writing. I can't wait to see how he influences upcoming episodes.

Studio 60: Sorkin's Prejudice is Showing

Aaron Sorkin may be one of the best writers in TV right now - but if he doesn't get the chip off his shoulders about Christianity and Red States, his new STUDIO 60 is in danger of alienating a large percentage of his viewing audience.

This week, Mr. Sorkin drummed up a Red State boycott based on potentially offensive content on his sketch comedy show. Twice during the episode characters ran down a list of stations electing not to carry that week's episode. In each case, the words "Pine Bluff-Little Rock" were spoken with unnecessary disdain.

Sorkin seems to be under the impression that Little Rock, Arkansas is a tiny hick town filled with bible thumpers that control what the population thinks. He forgets that the state capitol city launched Bill Clinton to prominence and is the home of his presidential library.

Pine Bluff on the other hand, was once the home of an incredible triple threat - the state penitentiary, a paper mill (mmmm smells GOOD!) and the nation's supply of nerve gas.

The Little Rock-Pine Bluff market is the 57th largest in the nation. It's not a booming metropolis in 'the corridor' but it's the largest city between Memphis and Dallas and it is fairly metropolitan in attitude.

If Sorkin had a better understanding of where the buckle of the bible belt is, he would have had the entire state of Mississippi boycotting his show. That actually happened with NYPD BLUE. I was living in Jackson, MS at the time and can assure you that not one single ABC station in the state carried a single episode of the first season.

So, what's my point? I'm not a church-going Bible-thumping type myself, but I am a Southern boy who knows respect for the common folk. Mr. Sorkin may find them to be undereducated Red Staters, but I prefer to think of them as 'most folks.'

I also understand that the key to success in television is appealing to a broad audience. Mr. Sorkin is an elitist. Always has been, probably always will be. He looks down his nose at the common folks while making uncommon television. If he doesn't knock it off soon, STUDIO 60 will get the boot in my house.

I don't HAVE to watch the show. I'd like to, but I'm not going to be insulted while doing it.

Heroes: Great Powers, Great Show

"With great powers comes great responsibility." - Stan Lee, Spider-Man

HEROES (Mon 9/8c, NBC) is/are finally among us. I've been looking forward to this show more than any other new show this fall - and for the most part, it delivered.

The pilot episode may have moved a bit too quickly, but overall it was very satisfying. I particularly liked the way the characters are intertwined without realizing it. The script was intelligent, and handled a lot of exposition with ease.

We haven't met all our heroes yet - there are plenty more to come as the series unfolds. I'm looking forward to seeing how the characters choose their paths, good or evil, or somewhere in between.

From 'Super' Hiro to the surprise twist ending, this little show charmed its way right into a Season Pass on the family TiVo.

Talk about great responsibility....

Clock Ticking for JUSTICE & HAPPY HOUR

The bell has begun to toll for HAPPY HOUR and JUSTICE.

FOX is pulling the two shows from the lineup in advance of previously scheduled baseball pre-emptions.

There's also some interesting tinkering going on with the Sunday lineup at FOX. On October 1st, FOX will air bonus episodes (albeit reruns) of 'TIL DEATH leading into and out of THE SIMPSONS. AMERICAN DAD will not air on 10/1.

If the demos show promise for 'TIL DEATH on Sunday, don't be surprised if the show moves there permanently. If HAPPY HOUR is about to be canned, FOX will find it easier to relocate 'TIL DEATH to Sunday and drop in a reality show like TRADING SPOUSES than it would filling a half hour with another sitcom.

Brilliantbutcancelled.com currently shows HAPPY HOUR as the most likely first cancellation of the season (3:1 odds). JUSTICE is currently 56:1.

The January schedule FOX announced last May will most likely be heavily revised.

'Til Death: Vows To Live By

For nine years Brad Garrett played second banana to Ray Romano on the modern classic EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND.

Garrett's character in 'TIL DEATH (Thursday 8/7c FOX) is far removed from Robert Barone. Robert was insecure, jealous of his brother and spent some eight years trying to secure a permanent relationship.

In the character of Eddie Stark, we find the anti-Robert. Eddie's in a committed relationship. He's been married for over 20 years and has grown extremely comfortable with he place in life. This time it's his newlywed neighbors he's trying to keep pace with. And his wife is joining him in the race.

As a sitcom, 'TIL DEATH is clearly not what it is going to become. It has some growing pains to work through. The actors playing the newlyweds aren't particularly strong or memorable. The pilot owed a lot to MARRIED...WITH CHILDREN, and relied way too much on jokes based on the neighbors' last name, Woodcock.

But after three episodes 'TIL DEATH is starting to find its legs. It may never be a great sitcom. It may wind up paired with THE WAR AT HOME should HAPPY HOUR succumb to a justifiable cancellation. But 'TIL DEATH has its moments.

This show is obviously being written by someone who has been married for quite some time. Eddie and Joy have moments of Truth. They interact realistically, comfortably, and with a sense of shared time.

They also have moments of Not Funny, but those are getting less and less frequent.

I'm not giving up on 'TIL DEATH...yet. I see too much of Mrs. Kimosabe and myself in Eddie & Joy. We remember when it was new, too.

Mrs. Kimosabe points out that the house used for the exterior shots of Eddie & Joy's house is the same house that was used for Ray & Debra Barone's. Fitting, isn't it? Like Robert, Brad Garrett may never escape from the long shadow of Ray Barone.

'TIL DEATH, indeed.....