Rantings of a TV Junkie

In no organized fashion other than the order things pop into my head... my impressions of TV as we wrap up 2006....

1. THE O.C. is back! This show is en fuego! Killing off Marissa Cooper has given the show new life - and it's a happy life. Gone are the endlessly morose, angst-driven storylines about how unhappy Marissa was. It's all been replaced by the perky, funny, pop-cult aware, snarkiness that fans fell for in Season 1. It's not too late to rediscover the fun!

2. LOST is taking its fans on a remarkable journey. I'm not trying to figure it all out. I'm not in the camp that's insisting on answers. Place me solidly in the 'I can't wait to see what happens next" camp. This may be the best series on TV right now.

3. HOUSE endures. How in the world the writers manage to make the same story work week after week is a mystery to me, but they do. Love it!

4. HEROES, the origin! Without a doubt, my favorite new show of the year. I hope the writers are able to take their time and advance the story at their own pace. No need to rush through the prime rib to get to the dessert.

5. There's too much NFL on TV. Yep, I said it. The addition of Thursday and Saturday games is too much. It's diluting the special-ness of Sunday afternoon.

6. IDOL and 24 are a comin'! I just have to figure out how to clear my Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays to make room for them....

7. STANDOFF deserves to come back. A great little show starring one of my favorite actors. I just hope FOX gives it another shot.

8. DRIVE takes off in March. A new series from Tim Minear (FIREFLY), starring Nathon Fallion (also FIREFLY) about an illegal race across the country in which the participants don't know their opponents. Hope it's as fun as Minear's other work!

Questions for '07...

Will the FCC allow more concentration of TV ownership? If so, it's over folks. Allowing fewer and fewer companies to own more and more of the TV we see is far from a good thing.

How high is up for IDOL? With the competitive landscape changed (i.e. LOST moves out of the way) will IDOL reach even higher number in '07?

Where is the next great 3 camera sitcom? It's out there. The suits will find it, it's just a matter of time. Blind pigs come to mind.

Will My Network abandon the telenovela? I think so. The truth is, 20th TV was already shopping those 65 episodes mini-series in syndication before parent company FOX TV (the stations not the network) found themselves losing their UPN affiliation. It was the only thing they had on the shelf to distribute to their stations as an ad hoc net. Look for Ultimate Fighting to follow. Maybe even some sort of poker. But no matter what, it's going to make the syndicated product of the early '80s look good.

I'm sure there's more, but that's al my poor little brain can spit out this afternoon...

Happy New Year to all!

The King Lives!

In a move that is assured to score some of the best ratings in the show's eleven (yes, ELEVEN!) seasons, FOX has announced that KING OF THE HILL will be returning to the Sunday night schedule in the coveted post-SIMPSONS time slot starting in January.

I don't know why this excites me so, other than this has always been a quality show - and I've missed far too many episodes. With its new 830/730c slot, I'll be there week in and week out as Hank, Bobby and Peggy ride off into the sunset in their final season.

You should as well!

ABC clears path for IDOL

For three years in a row now, the TV pundits in pundit-land have doubted that AMERICAN IDOL will be able to return at levels equal to the previous season. Each year they have been proven wrong. Heck, even I had doubts last year.

But that was last year. All those TV pundits who are doubting the power of this year's edition of AMERICAN IDOL might want to pause and give that concept another think.

ABC has just cleared a path for Simon, Paula and Randy by moving LOST to 10/9c.

Although LOST put up decent numbers against IDOL last year, the powers that be at Disney would rather sacrifice new comedies KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY and IN CASE OF EMERGENCY to the IDOL juggernaut.

My prediction, IDOL surpasses last year's ungodly numbers with another season of 'how high is up?'

Meanwhile, KNIGHTS and EMERGENCY will be gone before February is finished. And the pitiful numbers they score while they are on the schedule might just cost ABC the 18-49 crown....

FOX wins for the 3rd year in a row.

Richards Payoff Dicey

Reports say that Michael Riochards is close to scheduling a meeting with the African-American men that were the target of his recent on stage breakdown/tirade.

Reports also say a cash settlement is likely.

I think this may be a dangerous precedent for performers.

If Richards has to pay these two guys because he offended them... when does Andrew Dice Clay cut a check for me?

One Less Turkey on the Table -- Thankfully!

In what must rank as one of FOX's better decisions so far this season, the O.J. Simpson special "If I Did It" has, after considerable public outcry, been consigned to the ash-heap where it belonged.

Rupert Murdoch, chair of FOX's parent entity News Corp., announced, "I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project." Awfully decent of you to say so, Rupe! The intended sweeps special had to qualify as one of the all-time worst concepts in programming for any network. It was not merely tasteless, it was repugnant.

Kudos to the many FOX affiliates who flatly refused to air the program. It's refreshing to know there are still folks who hold to standards beyond just the bottom line.

FOX Right Wing? It Ain't So

For two weeks in a row, FOX has aired an anti-military episode of THE SIMPSONS.

Last week, the producers of the show used Treehouse of Horror regulars Kang and Kodos to comment on the war in Iraq.

This week, the skewering was courtesy Keifer Sutherland's guest appearance.

Last week, SIMPSONS' message was particularly noticeable because the episode was followed by an episode of AMERICAN DAD that tweaked the Republican stand against gay marriage and a FAMILY GUY episode that saw Stewie and Brian enlist, only to become stationed in Iraq.

Last week's three episode mini-theme aired two days before a national election that lurched the nation to the left.

This week's tweaking of the military aired on Veteran's Day weekend.

The next time you think FOX's parent company, Newscorp, is conservative - think again.

When it comes to FOX, Rupert Murdoch is an equal opportunity offender.

FOX Premieres Tank

*Glossary note: 1 share point equals 1% of the viewers watching at any one time.

Imagine the chagrin in the Suits' offices Thursday when they saw the big fat 4 share THE RICH LIST posted Wednesday night. MEDIA LIFE MAGAZINE says it's the single worst debut of any new show this season. It may be the most popular game show in England, but in the U.S., it's a one hit wonder. THE RICH LIST has been de-listed. If you saw it, congrats - you've seen every episode ever aired in America.

On Thursday, the news at FOX got worse.

'TIL DEATH returned from the baseball break to a 4 share. HAPPY HOUR dropped off to a 3 share. The bleeding continued when THE O.C. returned to a paltry 3 share as well. THE O.C. has lost 50% of its audience base since last year's September debut. Ouch.

The solution to the bleeding? Run more O.C. apparently. THE RICH LIST has been replaced with a new episode of THE O.C. this week.

(If no one watched THE O.C. last week, what makes anyone think America will tune in for the second episode on a different night? How are the 97% of Americans who didn't watch it Thursday supposed to understand what's going on?)

HAPPY HOUR has also been canned - and replaced with encores of 'TIL DEATH. Presto! It's a 33% improvement for the time period!

What's gone wrong at FOX? The fixes aren't working, and it's a long haul until the return of AMERICAN IDOL and 24.

I had every expectation FOX was eventually going to win the season in their beloved 18-49 demographic. Now, I ain't so sure.

NBC Blinks, Caves to Self

Last week's announcement that NBC was foregoing scripted programs in the 8/7 c hour has already been kicked to the curb.

In a move that screams of kowtowing to critics, Jeff Zucker is re-racking Thursday nights into a rather pale imitation of Must See TV years of old.

Effective 11/30 your new Thursday night lineup will be:

700p Earl
730p The Office
800p Scrubs
830p 30 Rock
900p ER

At least until somebody complains....

Seems to me that Mr. Zucker's commitment to a sensible plan consists of licking his finger and holding into the air. If Jeffy knew what the hell he was doing, he'd LEAD and do what he thinks is best for NBC, regardless of critics' opinions.

Remember... fire Zucker, save the network.

NBC Gives Up

Allow me to introduce you to Jeff Zucker, CEO of NBC Universal. Jeff has a novel approach to finding success in the business world - surrender.

Zucker just announced NBCU's plans for 2007. Goal number one is to save $750 million.

To accomplish this, he's cutting over 700 jobs. He's also cutting programming costs by eliminating scripted programming from the first hour of prime time. That's right. No scripted sitcoms or dramas, just game shows and reality shows.

This from the network that once pish-poshed FOX's reliance in reality in the late '90s.

Any guesses as to which studio will be producing these non-scripted shows? Think Zucker is going to be paying Disney or Paramount to develop these cost cutting shows? No way. These shows will ALL be produced by NBCU for NBCU (and repurposed ON NBCU's multitude of channels) on the cheap, FOR the cheap.

For the cheap? Yep, that's exactly what I mean. Seems Zucker doesn't find the income levels of the folks who watch at 8/7 Central satisfactory. You see, the great unwashed common folk - the ones who don't buy Cadillacs - aren't worth spending money on.

It's only the elite that watch the next two hours of programming that Zucker finds worthy of producing quality product for. One wonders if Jeffy is expecting the great unwashed that watch NBC in 8/7 Central to go somewhere else at 9/8 Central. One also wonders how such crap is going to perform as a lead-in to his alleged 'quality' programming.

Folks, this is corporate verticality at its worst. Who cares if NBC is non-competitive at 8/7 Central, as long as NBCU can cover the cost by running DEAL OR NO DEAL on CNBC?

1984 is here. NBCU is going to win by not competing.

NBC's lone new hit show of the season is HEROES. The theme there is "Save the cheerleader, save the world."

I'd like to suggest a new slogan for NBC.

"Fire Zucker, save the network."

Bing. Bong. Bing.

Bart's Network Gets an 'F'

FOX airs fifteen hours of prime time programming each week.

Between now and November 2nd, nine of those hours will see new programs.

Monday, October 23rd JUSTICE moves to Monday nights, following PRISON BREAK. I'd be curious to hear the logic behind this move. Does JUSTICE really stand any better chance against HEROES than VANISHED?

Friday, October 27th, VANISHED leads off the night, followed by TRADING SPOUSES. What's the point? This past week, the series KILLED OFF ITS LEAD CHARACTER! Why anyone would follow the new version of this convoluted show to a new night after almost three weeks off is beyond me.

Tuesday, October 31st, in a stupefying move that was planned from the beginning, STANDOFF and HOUSE swap time slots, with STANDOFF now leading off the night. I didn't get this when it was announced in May. I still don't understand it. If STANDOFF wraps up its first season in time for AMERICAN IDOL's return to the schedule, wouldn't it make sense to keep the very strong HOUSE as a lead-in as long as possible? Does the network really believe STANDOFF will do better without the benefit of the HOUSE lead-in?

Wednesday, November 1st, BONES gets a new lead-out, THE RICH LIST. Billed as the biggest thing to come from England since WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE, reality says it's cheap fodder that is being sacrificed to LOST.

And then there's the Thursday night launch of THE OC. It's returning at its regular time slot, but it's still another show that has to be added into the promotional mix.

My biggest question is, what's the point? What's the point of launching your new fall lineup before the beginning of the official Nielsen season if you're going to re-rack everything after three weeks off for baseball?

If fans of STANDOFF have made room for the new show in their schedule at 9/8C, why move it at all - let alone after a three week hiatus? Fans of VANISHED who haven't completely rejected the show for disposing of the star, probably aren't going to go to any extra effort to find the show at the other end of the week. New viewers who bump into the show on Friday night aren't going to find an approachable show. It's extremely inaccessible to new viewers.

All the branding and promotional efforts of the fall launch have been pitched out the window. FOX is keeping all of six hours of prime time in place. SIX HOURS. That's a meager 40%. And that doesn't take into account the immenent cancellation of HAPPY HOUR.

40% is an F in anyone's notebook.

SNL is no Studio 60

Maybe I'm spoiled by the great writing behind the scenes at NBC's other late night show, STUDIO 60, or maybe SNL just isn't funny.

I'm betting on the latter.

The show is beautiful in Hi-Def, but it's just not funny.

After watching how the fictional STUDIO 60 crew busted their collective humps to come up with a brilliant cold open for their season opener, SNL's retread of yet another 'President Bush is dumb' sketch paled in comparison.

Dane Cook's monologue - not funny. How did this guy become so popular if this is his best stuff?

Many in the industry speculated that SNL would get increased sampling because of the presence of STUDIO 60. It probably did. I haven't seen any numbers, but it's why I checked in.

It's also why I checked out.

Maybe Aaron Sorkin should send over some of his show's rejected sketches.

Put a fork in SNL. It's done.

TV Shows Written by Baboons

There's a scenario I'd like to discuss with you today, class.

Our scenario begins with a room containing a set of stairs. At the top of the stairs is a banana.

We then add six baboons to the room.

If at any time any of the baboons goes up the stairs to get the banana, all six baboons are instantly pummelled by water from fire hoses.

Baboons are not stupid, well not completely. They will eventually learn to not go up the stairs. In fact, in short order all six will learn that going up the stairs is a very bad thing for everyone in the room.

Next, we replace one of the baboons with a new baboon. This newbie will instantly head to the stairs to get the banana. However, we won't have to turn on the fire hoses on this guy, because the entire troop of baboons will turn on him, pound on him and do whatever it takes to prevent him from going up the stairs.

Now we have five baboons who all experienced the fire hoses, and one who knows it's best for his survival that he stay away from the stairs.

Similarly, as we replace the original baboons, each newcomer will learn that stairs are bad. In fact, baboon #6 will be taking part in beating the newbies because, well because he can.

Once we have replaced all of the original baboons, we are left with a complete troop who have been trained by other baboons to not go up the stairs even if they don't know the real reason why.

So, what does this have to do with TV? Case in point: THE SIMPSONS.

THE SIMPSONS was brilliant in it's first five years. But over the course of time, the show began losing the core group of writers responsible for that brilliance. One by one, they were replaced by people who had seen the show, but not been part of its creation. The replacements thought they knew the show, but in truth, only knew it from the surface. Only the originators knew the characters beyond what was seen on the screen.

The result was a slow turn away from the show's original path, and ultimately a drop in quality. This was magnified when the second wave of creative folks gave way to a third wave, who knew the characters even less since they were trained by people who didn't know the characters as well as the originators.

Thus, by season 13, THE SIMPSONS was being written by baboons who had no idea why they weren't supposed to go up the stairs.

Fortunately for THE SIMPSONS, the show has started regrouping and calling some of the show's original writers back into the fold.

Unfortunately for shows like GILMORE GIRLS, there won't be fifteen years in which the cycle will be able to come full circle.

So, there it is. When I say that a show is written by baboons, I'm not calling the writers idiots. It's not their fault they're not as good as the first troop. They just don't know any better.

Uber-scribe Tim Minear Joins STANDOFF

Hollywoodreporter.com reports:

"..Fox confirmed that production on the series was suspended this week in order to let the writers "catch up," according to a network spokesman.

The production hiatus also will allow Tim Minear, who has come aboard STANDOFF as a consulting producer, to get up to speed. Minear has been tapped to help with day-to-day operations on the show that will continue to be run by Craig Silverstein."

Hmmm.....

Tim Minear's writing credits include LOIS AND CLARK (5 episodes), THE X-FILES (2 eps & executive story editor), ANGEL (18 episodes and served as a consulting producer), FIREFLY (4 of the show's 13 eps and executive producer) and WONDERFALLS (2 of the show's 13 eps).

He is nothing short of a brilliant wordsmith - unfortunately, he seems to have a history of showing up just in time for shows to get cancelled. Further, he worked with Silverstein on THE INSIDE which lasted all of 7 episodes last summer.

While THE INSIDE was crap, I'm hoping against hope that the fact that Minear and Silverstein have worked together before is good news. Reading between the lines, it sounds like Silverstein was maybe missing production deadlines - or was frighteningly close to doing so. Bringing in a vet like Minear - and an old partner - could help the production efforts, and hopefully we'll get to see a script or two from Tim as well.

I'm already enjoying STANDOFF. Unfortunately, last night it held only 55 percent of its HOUSE lead-in. That's not good. When the show returns after THE WORLD SERIES, it will lead off the night and go head to head with DANCING WITH CELEBRITIES. It's not going to get any easier for this one.

Minear has a delicious dark streak in his writing. I can't wait to see how he influences upcoming episodes.

Studio 60: Sorkin's Prejudice is Showing

Aaron Sorkin may be one of the best writers in TV right now - but if he doesn't get the chip off his shoulders about Christianity and Red States, his new STUDIO 60 is in danger of alienating a large percentage of his viewing audience.

This week, Mr. Sorkin drummed up a Red State boycott based on potentially offensive content on his sketch comedy show. Twice during the episode characters ran down a list of stations electing not to carry that week's episode. In each case, the words "Pine Bluff-Little Rock" were spoken with unnecessary disdain.

Sorkin seems to be under the impression that Little Rock, Arkansas is a tiny hick town filled with bible thumpers that control what the population thinks. He forgets that the state capitol city launched Bill Clinton to prominence and is the home of his presidential library.

Pine Bluff on the other hand, was once the home of an incredible triple threat - the state penitentiary, a paper mill (mmmm smells GOOD!) and the nation's supply of nerve gas.

The Little Rock-Pine Bluff market is the 57th largest in the nation. It's not a booming metropolis in 'the corridor' but it's the largest city between Memphis and Dallas and it is fairly metropolitan in attitude.

If Sorkin had a better understanding of where the buckle of the bible belt is, he would have had the entire state of Mississippi boycotting his show. That actually happened with NYPD BLUE. I was living in Jackson, MS at the time and can assure you that not one single ABC station in the state carried a single episode of the first season.

So, what's my point? I'm not a church-going Bible-thumping type myself, but I am a Southern boy who knows respect for the common folk. Mr. Sorkin may find them to be undereducated Red Staters, but I prefer to think of them as 'most folks.'

I also understand that the key to success in television is appealing to a broad audience. Mr. Sorkin is an elitist. Always has been, probably always will be. He looks down his nose at the common folks while making uncommon television. If he doesn't knock it off soon, STUDIO 60 will get the boot in my house.

I don't HAVE to watch the show. I'd like to, but I'm not going to be insulted while doing it.

Heroes: Great Powers, Great Show

"With great powers comes great responsibility." - Stan Lee, Spider-Man

HEROES (Mon 9/8c, NBC) is/are finally among us. I've been looking forward to this show more than any other new show this fall - and for the most part, it delivered.

The pilot episode may have moved a bit too quickly, but overall it was very satisfying. I particularly liked the way the characters are intertwined without realizing it. The script was intelligent, and handled a lot of exposition with ease.

We haven't met all our heroes yet - there are plenty more to come as the series unfolds. I'm looking forward to seeing how the characters choose their paths, good or evil, or somewhere in between.

From 'Super' Hiro to the surprise twist ending, this little show charmed its way right into a Season Pass on the family TiVo.

Talk about great responsibility....

Clock Ticking for JUSTICE & HAPPY HOUR

The bell has begun to toll for HAPPY HOUR and JUSTICE.

FOX is pulling the two shows from the lineup in advance of previously scheduled baseball pre-emptions.

There's also some interesting tinkering going on with the Sunday lineup at FOX. On October 1st, FOX will air bonus episodes (albeit reruns) of 'TIL DEATH leading into and out of THE SIMPSONS. AMERICAN DAD will not air on 10/1.

If the demos show promise for 'TIL DEATH on Sunday, don't be surprised if the show moves there permanently. If HAPPY HOUR is about to be canned, FOX will find it easier to relocate 'TIL DEATH to Sunday and drop in a reality show like TRADING SPOUSES than it would filling a half hour with another sitcom.

Brilliantbutcancelled.com currently shows HAPPY HOUR as the most likely first cancellation of the season (3:1 odds). JUSTICE is currently 56:1.

The January schedule FOX announced last May will most likely be heavily revised.

'Til Death: Vows To Live By

For nine years Brad Garrett played second banana to Ray Romano on the modern classic EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND.

Garrett's character in 'TIL DEATH (Thursday 8/7c FOX) is far removed from Robert Barone. Robert was insecure, jealous of his brother and spent some eight years trying to secure a permanent relationship.

In the character of Eddie Stark, we find the anti-Robert. Eddie's in a committed relationship. He's been married for over 20 years and has grown extremely comfortable with he place in life. This time it's his newlywed neighbors he's trying to keep pace with. And his wife is joining him in the race.

As a sitcom, 'TIL DEATH is clearly not what it is going to become. It has some growing pains to work through. The actors playing the newlyweds aren't particularly strong or memorable. The pilot owed a lot to MARRIED...WITH CHILDREN, and relied way too much on jokes based on the neighbors' last name, Woodcock.

But after three episodes 'TIL DEATH is starting to find its legs. It may never be a great sitcom. It may wind up paired with THE WAR AT HOME should HAPPY HOUR succumb to a justifiable cancellation. But 'TIL DEATH has its moments.

This show is obviously being written by someone who has been married for quite some time. Eddie and Joy have moments of Truth. They interact realistically, comfortably, and with a sense of shared time.

They also have moments of Not Funny, but those are getting less and less frequent.

I'm not giving up on 'TIL DEATH...yet. I see too much of Mrs. Kimosabe and myself in Eddie & Joy. We remember when it was new, too.

Mrs. Kimosabe points out that the house used for the exterior shots of Eddie & Joy's house is the same house that was used for Ray & Debra Barone's. Fitting, isn't it? Like Robert, Brad Garrett may never escape from the long shadow of Ray Barone.

'TIL DEATH, indeed.....

WWAT?: What Was ABC Thinking?

Have you seen the promos for ABC's Thursday night lineup?

No announce.

Music over a clip. Show title. ABC Thursday.

No explanation as to what these shows are, or why I should change my Thursday night viewing habits - just show titles. Pretty weak marketing.

They're expecting people to give up ER because they have a show starring pretty people called SIX DEGREES? Is the show so complicated you can't explain it in thirty seconds? If so, maybe you should have sold it to HBO.

Gonna have to do better than that, ABC.

Jericho: It's a Bomb

JERICHO premiered tonight on CBS.

That's the best thing I have to say about this unfortunate little show.

It never ceases to amaze me how the alleged creative types in BIG TV just don't get it. This show is supposed to be the CBS version of LOST - but it's bulky, flat, derivative, predictable - and very badly written. Hmm, I guess it IS the CBS version of LOST.

This show is living proof that the Suits in BIG TV are more comfortable copying than creating. It's a knockoff, knocked off by people who can't possibly understand what makes LOST work.

This show is sloppy - a sheriff who can't tell the difference between a school bus and a prison bus? Please.

There were a couple of other moments that made me wish I was watching BONES, but I'd rather get on with life.

Congrats, CBS - you've launched yet another crappy show!

What I Watch: 2006

I like TV. Have I mentioned that? I mean, I really like TV. A 23 episode season of a good drama contains so many more memorbale moments with well drawn characters and way more emotion than your average two hour blockbuster.

Good TV is not as rare as it used to be. There is some incredibly good stuff going on out there. And I am addicted. Twenty years in the local TV biz may be to blame, but I don't care. I like it.

I probably watch more TV than most folks. Some nights, scheduling it all takes a little 21st century technology. And hence, my viewing schedule:

MONDAY (all times Central)
7p PRISON BREAK - see my recent review
8p HEROES - hoping it's as good as advertised
9p STUDIO 60 - watching it live and in Hi-Def
11p VANISHED (West Coast Tivo)

TUESDAY
7p GILMORE GIRLS
8p STANDOFF
9p HOUSE (TiVo'd at 7p)

WEDNESDAY
7p BONES
8p LOST
9p THE NINE

THURSDAY
7p TIL DEATH - still haven't made up my mind
8p THE O.C. - haven't given up yet
9p ER - not giving up til they do
11p GREY'S ANATOMY (West Coast TiVo)
12a SIX DEGREES (West Coast TiVo - maybe)

FRIDAY
TiVo catch up/Netflix night

SATURDAY
TiVo catch up/Netflix night

SUNDAY
7p SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL - High Def!
10p THE SIMPSONS/AMERICAN DAD (TiVo'd at 7)
11p FAMILY GUY/WAR AT HOME (TiVo'd at 8)

Studio 60: Good Watchin'!

I'm not a big Aaron Sorkin fan. I didn't care much for SPORTS NIGHT and I found THE WEST WING to be more soap box than TV show.

But STUDIO 60 is good. Very, very good.

Sorkin's going to be skewering a few personal demons on this one. He's obviously drawing characters from some of the idiots in suits he's had to deal with at the networks over the years. But all the skewering isn't of other people. There's a character with a drug problem that's interfering with his ability to work - a situation Sorkin knows about firsthand. Kudos to him for being brave enough to include it in the collage.

And this show is quite a collage. There's an evangelical Christian - whom I hope Sorkin will be treating with great respect (it is possible to be smart, competent and evangelical) Matthew Perry's character spent the pilot high on Vicodin - something Perry knows of firsthand. Kudos to him as well.

These characters ring true. From Steven Weber's take no crap, take no chances network exec, to Timothy Busfield's director - you know, deep down, Sorkin knows these people.

The show is beautiful in high def. The camera moves well, but not unnecessarily - and the use of color is wonderful. At one point, I caught a few stray hairs on Amanda Peet's pretty head catching a bit of light from her backlight. There's no way they were visible in standard def.

Ah, but that's another post.

For now, STUDIO 60's season pass is locked in. As long as Sorkin continues to skewer the big business of TV, I'll be along for the ride.

Prison Break: Life on the Run

PRISON BREAK (Monday 8/7c FOX) was a fun guilty pleasure for me last year. It was incredibly convoluted, but a wonderfully goofy time - and a very good companion piece for '24.'

After an entire year of wondering what in the world the producers were going to come up with to keep things going once the boys escaped, they have delivered.

This year, PRISON BREAK has erupted across the wide open plains of America, free from the confines of Fox Run Penitentiary. The multiple storylines help a great deal - the chance that they will all intersect at some point is pretty much a given.

It's nice to see the boys getting a little sunshine now that the production has moved to Dallas. The show overall is now brighter, more colorful than the dreary grays of Fox Run, and there's an infusion of energy from car chases, hot pursuits and explosions that was impossible in Season One.

I am guaranteed a loud chuckle at some point in every episode. This week, there were two. One when Burrows dragged T-Bag out of the trunk of the car and T banged his head lid. No way that one was scripted. (Poor Robert Knepper - he's drawn such a completely nasty character in T-Bag that he may very well be doomed to play characters like him for the rest of his career.)

The second outburst cam as the camera boomed high into the sky as the boys crested the hill to discover a residential development where their buried treasure is supposed to be.

Incredible. As in not credible. But I'm OK with that.

There's no way you're getting me to delete the Season Pass on this one.

Justice: Guilty

Guilty.

JUSTICE (Wed 9/8c on FOX) feels like a redress of last summer's Jerry Bruckheimer project, THE JURY. A loud, mindless knockoff of Law & Order, minus the soul.

Like THE JURY, JUSTICE features no likeable characters, nor a moral center. Dr. House isn't a nice guy, but somehow we're on his side, pulling for him - because he's saving lives. The lawyers of JUSTICE don't care about their clients. All they care about is winning. And that makes them losers.

Mrs. Kemosabe is quick to point out that the sheer volume of forensics based TV shows and novels have armed potential viewers with a better understanding of the process than Bruckheimer.

The pilot featured a suspected murder that would have been revealed as an accidental death in the first ten minutes of BONES.

The characters in JUSTICE are burdened with so much exposition and have to over explain the details of things like jury research that very little character remains. They're just generic lawyers.

It seems odd to me that critics are labeling VANISHED as a show that feels like it was cut and pasted together. JUSTICE is the guilty party.

Time to cancel the season pass. I have more important things to do with my time. Like watching LOST.

Standoff: Season Pass!

I thoroughly enjoyed the first episode of STANDOFF. (FOX Tuesdays 9/8c)

For starters, the show features three great performers - the lovely and strong Gina Torres (Zoe on FIREFLY & Jasmine on ANGEL), Michael Cudlitz (Bull on BAND OF BROTHERS) and the incomparable Ron Livingston (OFFICE SPACE and also BAND OF BROTHERS).

The characters, and their relationships, have history. The dialogue is crisp. There's a sense of depth that comes from more than expository dialogue.

These great actors know how to read the lines on the page. Each had a moment in which you could actually see and hear their character thinking while they spoke. As if they didn't really know the words they were about to speak - you know - the way people really talk.

If this show were populated by the kind of actors you get on, say a CBS drama, those nuances would have been absent.

Is STANDOFF 'important television?' Probably not. But it's good enough to get a season pass on my TiVo.

Is the anniversary over yet?

For the rest of the country, maybe it is a good thing to be reminded what people down South have gone through during and after Katrina--especially if it reminds them that the devastation was not limited to New Orleans, bad enough as that was and is, and that thousands upon thousands of people across the region, their fellow Americans, are still struggling to get their lives back to some semblance of normalcy.

For those of us who lived through it, it is still too fresh in our minds, something we, our families, our friends and our neighbors still live with day to day. Even as one who was fortunate--whose home was left standing, still inhabitable and soon-repaired, whose losses were only things, whose dear ones survived--I find it hard to relive the details, to revisit the days already lived through. The TV, the radio, the newspaper have all been full of unrelenting retrospectives of what happened, what was lost, what we have yet to rebuild or replace as a community, a region. If I want a retrospective, all I have to do is get out of the house and walk down the street, or take a drive across town. Further than that is a bit of a problem; the bridge that used to cross the bay will take at least two years to rebuild. Just turning off the TV or laying aside the paper doesn't make it go away. Small wonder that some people are overwhelmed, that mental health problems have doubled, that suicides are up sharply from the statistical norm.

We would dearly love to be able to forget for a little while about Katrina. But we hope and pray that our fellow Americans remember.

VANISHED - Let's Hope Not

VANISHED (Mondays at 9/8c on FOX) premiered to mixed reviews from the TV critics. It's been called a cut and paste job, a hodge podge effort, this year's REUNION.

I'm here to tell you the critics are wrong.

Two episodes into the season and I am officially all in.

VANISHED looks to be a perfect companion piece to PRISON BREAK. It's as deliciously convoluted, twisting and surprising as its sophomore lead-in and it shows in the ratings. It's keeping a very healthy percentage of the PRISON BREAK audience.

It didn't take me long to accept John Allen Nelson as Senator Collins. I was afraid it might be tough for the actor to shed 24's Walt Cummings.

It's the lead FBI investigator I'm finding most enjoyable. He is a compelling mix of Nathon Fillion and Ashton Kutcher. Ming-Na is his touchstone of a partner, who is burdened with a good deal of exposition and technobabble - can't wait to see her kick some bad guy butt down the line.

VANISHED is not "IMPORTANT TELEVISION." It's not groundbreaking like 24 or LOST. But it is tasty escapist fare, like a big juicy hot dog at the ballpark.

If we're lucky, come January, VANISHED will still be appearing weekly.

Comedy, But Not As We Know It

I am now some 12 hours removed from watching Comedy Central's Roast of William Shatner and I still can't get the taste out of my mouth.

What a complete waste of time.

I suppose I'm showing my age, but I can recall a time when celebrities could gather together and poke each other with very sharp sticks - all while avoiding any need for their network to step and censor them.

I'm not a prude. Far from it, in fact. I LOVED The Aristocrats. Dirty jokes have their place. But when it comes to TV - even basic cable - I'd much rather the stick poking be in the form of wit instead of something that rhymes with it.

But I suppose you can't expect much from a C-list group of comedians. I mean, when Andy Dick is the most recognizable name among the jokesters, you're in trouble. Then again, I don't watch a lot of Comedy Central. It may be that our beloved enemy to Western Civilization - VERTICAL INTEGRATION - may be responsible for who was on the panel.

It took me a minute to undertand why Betty White was ionvolved - obviously I don't watch BOSTON LEGAL. I still haven't figured out what Farrah Fawcett was doing on the stage.

We were treated to a barrage of bleeped F-bombs and waaaay too much information on the personal life on George Takei. It actually made me feel pity for George. Sad that his sex life is all he has to trade on these days.

Amazingly, no one mentioned anything about Mr. Sulu dropping aft shields.

The joke of the night came from one of the stand up comedians - the short one, I have no idea what his name is. "George, when you came out of the closet, did it make that SWISSSH sound?"

No, seriously. That was as funny as it got.

I miss Dean, Sammy, Frank, Bob, Lucy and Milty. They could get down and dirty with the best. (OK, they WERE the best) But when it was time to be on TV, they somehow managed to clean it up - and keep the funny.

I wish someone could teach today's alleged comics that skill.

The Descent: The Big Squeeze

THE DESCENT is being billed as the scariest movie since ALIEN.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I didn't find ALIEN particularly scary. Tense at times, perhaps, but scary? Not really.

THE BLAIR WITCH? Had me unnerved the entire ride. THE DESCENT let me off the hook early on.

Oh, don't get me wrong - there are enough 'jump' scenes in this movie to make parts of it fun, but ultimately, there's not a lot of 'there' there. Not much in terms of a moral lesson, character development, growth, or any of that rot - especially in comparison to the extended UK ending on YouTube. (Bookmark that link for AFTER you've seen the movie!)

After taking a peek at the way the film makers wanted THE DESCENT to end, you've got to wonder what in the world the American studio suits were thinking. Americans can't handle ambiguity? Do they honestly think their version is less ambiguous? More so, I say.

Kudos, though, for the sheer sense of claustrophobia the director managed to literally SQUEEZE into an early spelunking sequence. I haven't felt that unsettled in a movie theatre since Uma Thurman was buried alive in KILL BILL.

I am by no means claustrophobic - but this sequence had me wanting to go for a walk around the cinema lobby. At that point, I was actually wondering if I was going to be able to make it through the entire film. Unfortunately, there's not a lot that follows that's anywhere nearly as creative, compelling or original.

Ultimately, I suppose I have to give THE DESCENT a half-hearted recommendation. Six girls go in, one girl comes out. Did you expect it to work ANY other way?

Two and a half hands up.

Arkansas Sports Announcer Killed in Car Crash

Monday night, the state of Arkansas lost one of its finest ambassadors, sports announcer Paul Eels.

Mr. Eels' car crossed a median and hit an oncoming car head on. His death was instant.

Paul is being remembered as the voice of the Arkansas Razorbacks for the past umpteen years, a kind soul and a genuine human being.

I caught myself pausing to wonder what it must be like for his survivors to be struggling with their grief - that sort of overwhelming pain associated with an unexpected death. Paul Eels was not ill. He did not retire, he did not linger on a death bed for weeks or months. He simply didn't make it home for dinner Monday night.

On top of that, add an outpouring from complete strangers - strangers who all felt a personal relationship with the man they called husband and father. I hope it's reassuring.

I'll miss hearing his voice. Sometimes it made me a little less homesick to hear him call a game. But, I can't help but think most of have just lost a sports announcer. The family has lost so much more.

I hope they can wrap their minds around the genuine sorrow that is being felt by fans statewide, and by transplanted Arkansans all over the country and the world.

The family has requested memorials be made to the Paul Eells Memorial Scholarship Fund, P.O. Box 10689, Conway, AR 72034.

MTV at 25: Idiots Killed the Video Star

Yesterday, MTV celebrated its 25th birthday - by ignoring it.

Instead of giving music fans a trip down memory lane - perhaps with a retrospective, interviews with VJs and bands of old, MTV spent the day at Laguna Beach. The retrospective was being held over at MTV's step sister channel, VH1 Classic.

Even the VH1 was a bit lackluster. The fete was billed as MTV Day One, but all we really got was some bimbo from the 21st century telling us what it was like back in the day and airing the crappy videos that were available back in 1981. Had those same crappy been offered up with a healthy dose of Martha Quinn, I'd be more forgiving.

I suppose it really shouldn't have come as a surprise, after all the Viacom Networks were the same cable channels that butchered coverage of Live Aid anniversary concert.

All in all, it's just another example of the cold hearted vertical integration that has taken over cable TV of late - the same mindset that allows wrestling on Sci-Fi, prevents music from being played on MTV.

Video may have killed the radio star, but it took a corporate behemoth with a brain the size of an acorn to kill a video channel.

"Who wants to watch a Superhero Wannabe?"

Who says this isn't The Marvel Age of. . . well, what exactly is it supposed to be
"The Marvel Age of -" this time? Reality TV? Lowered Expectations?
Cynically Snickering at Comix Fandom?

Biff! Bam! and Zowie! live again, despite decades of Damage Control
and Marvellous efforts to rid comics of the public perception of campy drivel.

Face front, Stan! True Believers probably cannot see one character in this lot
with even the potential shelf life of that Marvel classic, "Night Nurse". Nope.
Instead of the promise of possibly pulse-pounding pulp-paper page-turners to be?
Well, we get something that looks like escapees from "Let's Make a Deal" stuffed
into MTV's "Real World". (Wasn't there a cartoon on Comedy Central that did
something similar?) One cannot really imagine a Graphic Novel waiting in the
wings for any of these rookies.

Okay, so even the most classic of comic book icons have not-entirely-original
concepts. Superman gets compared to Doc Savage, and both of them owe a debt
to Philip Wylie's novel "Gladiator"--amongst other inspirations--while Batman
follows in the footsteps of Zorro, The Shadow and a bit o' Sherlock Holmes.
For that matter, Zorro cribs Robin Hood's old act. Whatever. Truly NEW ideas
are few and far between. In the end, there is inspiration from what has gone before
OR there is lack of originality which brings nothing new to the table.
Any guesses what we have in this show?

Meanwhile (as they say), it projects the overall image that comicdom's fan-base
is just what the non-comic-book-buying public has always suspected, a sad lot of
ForbushMan-wannabes. The sort of nebbish who, they imagine, still lives at home
with his parents at age thirty-five, has neither social skills nor a social life,
and still reads "that trash". Could be worse, I suppose.
He could be addicted to "Reality TV" . . .

When did "Excelsior!" become just another word for packaging fluff, Stan?
'Nuff said!

Lady in the Water: M. Night's NOT All Wet

I'm an M. Night fan. I really liked SIXTH SENSE. I enjoyed the ride of THE VILLAGE, and I thought UNBREAKABLE was brilliant.

I'm having a hard time understanding why the critics are coming after M. so hard with LADY IN THE WATER. Surely it's not just because the film includes a clueless film critic. (No, it's not and don't call me Shirley!)

The characters in LADY aren't too far removed from the characters of SIGNS. They're caught up in a situation that has important repercussions for the entire world. The genesis of that situation overlaps with their mundane little world and creates an extraordinary scenario of incredible things happening to ordinary people.

A couple of the supporting roles may be slightly miscast, but when Paul Giamatti's character is finally called upon to release himself to his destiny, the result is a moment of sheer vulnerability that is both heroic and moving.

It seems to me that the critics who are trashing this film are unable to separate the man from the movie. They've decided M. Night's personal bedtime story is pretentious, and they seem to be responding by striking out with a pretentiousness of their own.

I saw a story about a writer who was inspired to fulfill his destiny in a world where the critics are often very wrong.

In fact, this time they're all wet.

LADY gets 3 hands out of 4.

Boo!

This is the show open for THRILLER THEATRE STARRING MARGALI.

The song is called "Boo!" and was written by the brilliant Niels Erickson, as a parody of Madonna's "Vogue."

The video clips are primarily from various episodes across the years, including one shot from an episode that has never aired.

Margali's minions include her ever faithful hand servant, Hans, the never seen program announcer Wendel and her ten legged mutant spider, Freddie.



We'd love to hear what you think.

Motel 666

Here's a blast from the past:

Motel 666 was one of Margali's favorite sponsors back when she presented the midnight movie on WDBD-TV in Jackson, Mississippi. THRILLER THEATRE STARRING MARGALI aired from 1990-1993 and earned three awards from the Mississippi Association for Broadcasting during its run.

Part of the reason for this blog is to expose the world to the madness viewers in Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia were blessed to see.



Once you get past "What the hell is that?" let us know what you think!

More to come, couch pumpkins, more to come.

Emmy Noms: Weak Laughs, High Anxiety & Ennui

Quickly, let's run through the Emmy acting nods. Time is precious this week.

Lead Actor - Comedy - You know...there's just not a lot of Lead Acting by guys to go around this season. I'm sure the actors nominated have done well, but I've never seen any of these shows. Guess I'm just watching too many scripted dramas lately. So, no comment.

Lead Actress - Comedy - Kaczmarek is the only actress I've seen of late, and I think her character became a bit too one dimensional towards the end of MALCOLM to merit this nom. Other than that, I don't care.

Lead Actor - Drama - Now we're talking. Excuse me, academy, but where the hell is Hugh Laurie's nom? You DO realize he's a British actor playing an American jerk of a doctor, don't you? Somehow, I suspect the viewing tapes for HOUSE should have been labelled "That's not how he really talks" Cool to see Keifer get a nod, but I dont' think he'll win. Marting Sheen will probably score a very PC one-two win to go along with his son Charlie in the comedy category. Won't that be sweet?

Lead Actress - Drama - Don't watch any of these, can't say.

Supporting Actor - Comedy - Totally surprised to G.O.B. scoring a nomination here! But I'd much rather see the statue go to Cranston. Hal was the heart of MALCOLM. Cranston cranked out some incredibly brave performances along the run of the series. The man is simply fearless when it comes to what he is willing to subject himself to for a few laughs.

Supporting Actress - Comedy - Man, it's a weak year for comedy, ain't it?

Supporting Actor - Drama - Gregory Itzin's weasel of a prez deserves to win this hands down. The supporting cast of 24 was so strong this year!

Supporting Actress - Drama - Which leads us to Jean Smart. I so want to see this duo take home the trophies.

I'm surprised Omar Epps didn't get a nom. I'm not surprised the cast of GILMORE GIRLS was left out - what a crappy year for that show. But by far, the biggest omission is Hugh Laurie. The man is brilliant.

Agree? Disagree? Discuss!

It's Not TV. It's 24.

The Emmy nominations were announced earlier this week, and now that we've all had some time to digest the list I suppose it's time to put in my two cents.

My first reaction was to note that once again HBO dominates the other networks in total nominations with 95 - that's more nominations than NBC and CBS combined. But it's not really an apples to apples comparison, is it? After all, as they say, it's not TV. It's HBO.

The second thing I noticed, was that while ABC led the broadcast networks with 63 noms, for a second year FOX is has closed the gap with the more established nets, scoring 41 nominations compared to NBC's and CBS' 47.

That's significant.

The 'Big 3' nets each program 22 hours per week. FOX supplies 15 hours. So let's do some math, shall we?

ABC earned 2.86 nominations per hour programmed. NBC and CBS scored 2.14. FOX passed them by scoring a 2.73.

Last year, with ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT scoring multiple nominations, FOX scored 3.33.

What's my point? I suppose it's this - the network that has a reputation for shock and awe reality like WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK and WHO WANTS TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE? is actually proucing more quality programs per hour than the so called Tiffany network, CBS.

And the network that once derided FOX's early reliance on unscripted fare, NBC, has now succombed to the beast itself. THE APPRENTICE, LAST COMIC STANDING, THE BIGGEST LOSER, don't seem to be Must See TV in America's or the critcs' eyes.

Moving on to specifics, the show with the most nominations this year is 24. Huh? I mean, it's riveting television, but 12 nominations? Wow.

BEST DRAMA - HOUSE, 24, GREY'S ANATOMY, THE SOPRANOS and THE WEST WING.

THE SOPRANOS season was not its best, but I'm not going to argue the nom - but THE WEST WING? Really? Was it really better than the incredibly mystifying and addictive season two of LOST? Hardly.

BEST COMEDY - ARRESTD DEVELOPMENT, CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM, THE OFFICE, SCRUBS and TWO AND A HALF MEN

Another wow. Apparently, I'm not watching the best comedies on TV anymore. Apart from ARRESTED, I have never seen an episode of any of the nominated programs. And I watch a LOT of TV, people. A ridiculous amount of TV. It's like cocaine for me. How is it, I'm not watching any of these shows? Could it be that they're on opposite some of the best dramas on TV? Yep, that would be the reason! Oh well, that means I'll be pulling for ARRESTED to score a second win here. The finale was simply brilliant. Annyong!

Of note, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND didn't get a curtain call nod, but ARRESTED did. Hmm.

Later in the week, I'll ruminate a bit about the acting nominees and what might be a change in the tide in the Vareity/Music/Comedy category.

'Til then!

Superman & Lois Lane: Things We Forgot We Forgot

SPOILERS BELOW

Hansel and I are fresh from viewing SUPERMAN RETURNS last night and I've got a few things that need to be said.

First, this new guy wearing the tights - it took me a good thirty for forty-five minuites to stop comparing him to Christopher Reeve. It's amazing how definitive Chris was for this role. Every word that came out of Superman's mouth, every gesture, every bumble by Clark Kent brought comparison to the way Christopher did it before.

But then something happened. I don't know when, or why, but at some point, Bryan Singer's story emerged victorious over my struggle againt willful suspension of disbelief - and I started enjoying myself.

This is quite a decent film. I found myself surprised at the direction the story took several times. The script managed to supply the characters with a depth that was unexpected.

I loved the fact that Supes had to struggle against the physics of the real world when trying to save an airplane, that the metal of the craft buckled while he was trying to slow it down, that a wing gave way and snapped off whle he was trying to slow it's spinning out of control. It helped place Superman in the real world, illustrating that while the man inside the cape may be impervious to bullets, he can make mistakes.

And this Superman makes mistakes. It is his mistake in judgement that is blamed for Lex Luthor's freedom. This Superman is a jealous man, a hurt man, a very lonely man - and that helps make him Every Man.

There was one particular moment in the film that struck me as more than the an obligitory homage to the films that came before. During a crisis that requires him to fly out into the Atlantic Ocean for a rescue, Superman sees a giant trough opening up in the sea floor. When he realizes this rip in the sea floor is heading straight for Metropolis, you can actually SEE the character remember the earthquake in the first film that claimed Lois' life. Again he must decide between her and the fate of many more souls. Nicely done.

The visuals are great. Most of the modern CGI stuff looked really, really sharp, though there were a couple of instances in which an animated Supes looks just a bit too cartoony. And while the crystal island is awesome, I found myself wondering how in the world owning such craggily, crappy, unfarmable land would vault Lex Luthor to global domination.

My one nagging issue with the film really didn't bring itself to the forefront of my mind until an hour after coming home. At the end of Superman II, Supes wiped Lois Lane's memory of her love affair with him with a magical kiss. It was done to protect her, to relieve her of the pain of being in love with him, yet being unable to be with him. Cleary in Superman Returns, Lois has no memory of knowing Clark Kent's secret identity. Yet, when she delivers big news to Superman in the hospital, it's clear she remembers being with him. In fact, the memory of that relationship is central to a lot of conflict within Lois' relationship with her son's father.

So, if somebody can explain to me how Lois remembers only a bit of what transpired in Superman II (Lex clearly remembers EVERYTHING that happened in both films), I'd love to hear from you.

The film's a bit long, and drags a bit after the big climax. Was it necessary to go on for another 20 minutes after the story was finished? Perhaps the hospital visit, and the evnts that transpire therein, could have been worked into the middle of the movie, providing Supes with new motivation to save a world that thought it no longer needed him.

What do you think?

I'm going to give it three hands up out of four.

Britney's Dirty Laundry

Apparently, while shopping in a Vistoria's Secret, Britney's baby needed a fresh nappy, so she changed the kid's diaper - right then and there - on the floor in the middle of the store.

Just goes to show - you can take the trash out of the trailer, but you can't take the trailer out of the trash.

It needed to be said.

Identity Theft: Narrowcasters Getting Too Broad

What is the world coming to?

On May 4th, the Sci-Fi Network aired 4 episodes of LAW & ORDER:SVU back to back to back. Huh? Unless these episodes contained a mini-arc concerning an alien abduction or a detective getting lost in the Bermuda Triangle, someone over at NBC/Universal owes somebody an explanation. Makes as much sense as The Weather Channel showing HAWAII FIVE-O.

It's not just Sci-Fi you know. Cartoon Network recently added SAVED BY THE BELL to their lineup. That's a decision I may never, ever understand. SBTB? Bad idea. No one will ever be able to convince me that show belongs anywhere near that channel. Not gonna happen. You may as well try to convince me that FAMILY MATTERS belongs on Court TV - hey, it's got a cop in it doesn't it?

I'm finding it interesting to see how the business side of TV is nibbling away at the identities of cable network after cable network. There was a time not long ago when they bragged about not having to be 'broadcasters' like the Big 4. Bit by bit, they're changing their collective tune.

Bravo and A&E used to about 'art' - now their about gay designers and biographies. Ooh - wonder who'd get the rights to a biography about a gay designer?

Trio was supposed to about pop culture. Instead, it pooped out and has gone online.

Court TV was live trials, now it's becoming the police drama channel. But that's OK, we can't expect a trial of the century very day of the week.

And then there's the meandering life of TNN/Spike. The Nashville Network - how in the heck did that NOT make money? Well, it started branching out beyond music to become The National Network (a channel with no identity whatsoever) - and somewhere along the way became Spike. "TV's first channel for men" - completely ignoring the fact that ESPN beat them to the punch 20 years earlier.

And speaking of ESPN - there's a channel that knows what it is and is sticking with it. Sure, they throw in an occasional game show, sports movie or reality series, but it's still all about the sports. Are you listening MTV?

MTV. Hmph. Don't get me started. Used to be music TV. Now, it's what they call 'musical television.' Lame, guys. Really lame. And look how long it took to strip MTV2 of it's manhood. In just six months it's become a reality TV slum just like it's big brother.

Well, at least I still have Fuse.

Office pool time - how long before the NFL Network starts showing bowling?

Sopranos Finale: Peace on Earth

SPOILERS BELOW

The last ten minutes of the season finale of THE SOPRANOS were some of the most captivating, edge-of-my-seat moments since....well since Picard got all Borgified. I was a bundle of nerves, expecting the big whack to come any minute.

Every time Christopher was on screen, the pace of the episode slowed to a crawl but in a good way. An intense, 'holy crap they're about to whack Christopher' sort of crawl.

And then, nothing.

And then back to Chris and another long, gut-wrenching scene with undertones of promised violence so intense it distracted from the dialogue.

And still, nothing.

Then, the family gathers for a perfect little XMAS. Everyone's there (except for Adrianna) and again the moment was too happy, too perfect not to be destroyed by the threat of imminent violence about to be unleashed on this family. How could a peaceful moment be allowed to go unchallenged in this world? Holy cow, they're gonna blow up Tony's house with everyone in it! The tension is killing me!

And nothing.

There are a lot of fanboys out there who are thoroughly disgusted with this episode, and the entire season for that matter. I am not one of them. Just like LOST, I'm along for the ride. (That's another post entirely) I'm enjoying Tony's attempts to treat every day as a gift - and how his life is faighting back against that choice. In fact, at one point I thought Tony might be considering buying Tony Sack's interest in that New Orleans shipping concern just to relocate and get away from Jersey and all the baggage that comes with it.

But not so.

So what did we see last night? A happy ending that will be stretched into 8 more episodes? A series limping past it's prime? I don't think so. My guess is last night was Camelot. For one brief shining moment, happiness. A room filled with gifts - just like every day in the rest of Tony's life.

In January, the bills are going to come due and there's going to be hell to pay.

Da Vinci Code: Opie Gets an F

SPOILERS BELOW

It must have been hard to be Ron Howard growing up. At some point. A brilliant child actor becomes a two-time TV star, breaks into movie directing and makes some of the most brilliant films of the last ten years. A direct path to Hollywood immortality.

Unfortunately with "The Da Vinci Code" he has finally become an underachiever.

I think Ron made several key errors in attempting to remain too true to the runaway best selling novel by Dan Brown. What should have been an Indy Jones style thriller, became a very talky, fairly slow film with an extreme lack of suspense. Exposition, exposition, exposition! And after the exposition, the characters told us what was going on one more time just to make sure we got it! STOP!

Think back to the INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE. In it, Dr. Jones presents several key exposition points to his class very early in the film - like "X never, ever marks the spot." Later in the film when it does, we remember that line and are able to follow along without further comment.

In staying faithful to the book, Howard failed to make efficient use of Langdon's speech about ancient iconography. Had he mentioned the male and female triangles that are discussed later in the film, we would have been prepared for it in advance, and we would have been spared yet another lesson on symbology. As a result, Langdon's speech was useless in terms of exposition and ate up valuable screen time.

Then there's the climax at about the two hour mark, followed by 20 minutes of 'revelation' but absolutely no danger for the characters, no energy, no oomph. It read well in book form, but as a follow up to the previous 2 hours, the sequence just falls flat.

Sometimes one has to wander away from the source material a bit to make it more interesting in a different medium. Take "Jurassic Park," for instance. A great book. A great movie - but a movie that differs from the book in significant ways. Surely, SOMEONE could have tightened things up for us at the end of "Da Vinci." Wasn't there some way to continue the peril for the characters as we worked up to the 'big reveal?' Isn't that why they pay screenwriters the big bucks?

So, color me disappointed. There's nothing as tough as failing to live up to one's potential. Little Ronnie Howard may be mortal after all.